Recently divorced here and having a really tough time. Here is a cliff note version of my story. My ex wife was the girl I always wanted in high school but could only gain a friendship at that time. A few years after graduating college and starting my own business, we meet again. 2 weeks later I move in with her, and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman. I proposed to her after 2 months, we got married 5 months later in City Hall, and then due to pressure from the family we had a formal wedding in the eyes of god 6 months later. We had a wonderful marriage the first 5 years, she was my best friend and believed in me (you know that saying behind every great man is a woman....well its all true) which allowed me to really succed in the many ups and down that occur in running your own business. We had a baby boy 5 years after we were married, and my wife who used to make a good living, decided she couldn't handle work anymore so encouraged her to quit and said I could handle all of the financial responsibilities. During this time my business went through a major transition and I lost alot of income, and was stressed out all the time. She claims to me that her pregnancy was tough on her and she felt that she was all alone in it. Well in the last trimester, we saw a therapist by my wifes request and after hearing everything the therapist told her politely to give me a break. Life had thrown to much to quick at me, and although my wife was supportive it wasn't the same as being in the field working to make money for the family. In the end the therapist took my side, and somehow whatever grievances she had with me went away. Fast forward 2 years later, I was going mach 5 at work started a new compnay and it was doing great, we bought a really nice house, trips, was always very generous with the wife etc. One weekend she went away to her parents with my son, and I had this weird feeling come over me like I had been missing something. Well, I went out that night with a friend met a woman who I charmed pretending to be someone else and eneded up sleeping with her. This was the first and only affair that I have had. I was eaten up by guilt the very next day and told my mom. My mom's advice was you made a mistake don't let it happen again and forget about it. Well I didn't listen to her. I lied to the woman about my name and occupation, and the fact that I was married, she did nothing wrong to me and I felt the right thing to do was to tell the truth. I did and was expecting her to slap the #$% out of me, but she didn't she cried for a while and said she developed really strong feelings for me. She told me to workon my marriage, and she would be my friend, no sex. And I agreed. When my wife came home I guess I started acting very carefree, and she quickly picked up on it. She immediatly went to see a therapist and asked me to go. Looking back in retrospect although I am only 36 I acheived many goals that people dont reach even in a whole lifetime, and now see that I was going thru a midlife crisis. After a month or so my wife found out what had been happening I left my phone out and subconsciously wanted to get caught. I was planning on breaking my friendship with this other woman, but hadn't done it at tha point. Anyway we almost divorced than, I ended up moving out for a few weeks and slowly strated to rebuild things back with my wife. I saw the pain that I had caused her and I did everything I could to mend it. I called every member of her family and aplogized to them, I went to our Rabbi and told him what happened. He told her he felt I was sincere and was a big help in us getting back together. Fast forward 2 1/2 years later, wife has been confused goes out with a girlfriend sleeps around with a guy from high school, and the next day tells me that she loves me but is not in love with me anymore. I start DB immediatly, maybe it was instinctive. The whole family is shocked because her whole family more than forgave me we had gotten really close. Her behavior immediatly after that was really bad going out all the time, secretly hidding her purse, car keys, and cell phone. After 3 months I had had enough went through alot of therapy and she was not changing her mind. My business started to get giant crack in it at this time because my brain was someplace else, I asked her to start looking for a house, she did and moved out Dec of 06, 2 days prior to our 10 year wedding anniversary. We didn't use any lawyers agreed on everything, and did the deed. All I have done is be there for my son, if there is any good out of all this, is that my relationship with my son is the best it can be. He really wants to live with me, but we will have to wait till he is 11, thats the law in FL, kids can decide then. Meanwhile my ex and I talk daily, and the financial cracks keep getting larger. I let her take everything form my house, except my grand piano, and studio equipment. When she moved out and I came home it really was an empty house...literally! January was really tough, I still hear her voice and my sons all the time(its a big house). My son is with me about 40-50% of the time, she lives only a mile away. Our relationship is very good, because I have done everything I promised, and she has even told me that. I asked her a few months ago if she was happy, and she replied that hopes to be someday. I have had a really tough time adjusting and its been over a year. I know I still love her deeply, and I want her to find herself. Her behavior has really calmed down very reminiscent of the woman I was once with. The last part of this tale is that about 8 months ago I decided to call the woman I had the affiar with, just to see how she was. I never said goodbeye 3 years ago I just disappeared. One thing led to another and she said that she looked for me in every man that she had ever been with since me, and I was her one true love. We started dating and she moved in with me. My wife has met her and they are both really nice around one another. My son absolutely adores her and she treats him as if he is her own. My wife recently said to me that she likes the man I have become, she thinks my gf has something to do with that. I finally realized, that that is not the case. In order to deal with this trauma, the old me had to die, and new me was born...its still me, by my motivations, and mannerisms have changed. I have become more passive in something that I was so passionate about which was my business. And I really have to look extremely hard tofind any pleasures inlife. I feel I am deeply unhappy, and just portray someone who is well adjusted to the people around me so that they don't leave. The only thing that I am living for is my son. That is what allows me to go one more day.
