Absolutely no freakin way do you sign anything without legal advice.
You have no idea what is in all that legal mumbo jumbo and you could be taking all the risk.
My W and her L told me the same thing.. they tried to get me to just sign.. turns out I would've been giving her WAAAAY too much. Time to lawyer up.
Okay, I will not sign anything without seeing a lawyer. Well, I was thinking about it even though she said not to. She said that she doesnt want anything from me, no alimony or nothing. But I thought about getting alimony just until our lease it up, so she can help me pay the bills. I mean we are in our early 20's (me 24 her 23) and she just started her career and Im in mine while going to school to get my degree. I have a life insurance policy but its under my grandmothers name, im so glad she didnt sign it over to me. My W tried very hard to get my grandma to sign it over to me but she didnt...
The lawyer thing, how does that work? Do they give free conslutions...anyone know? What was your lawyer like?
That's a tough one... do you have any friends or family that's been through D?
I was in the same boat... no clue how to pick one. Honestly.. I just picked one. She's OK.. I had some problems with her, but we've done good so far and I don't think I owe her much from an hourly standpoint.
Anywho.. They will do free consults. That's what I did. Kind of explained the sitch (they don't care about the details really.. just the legal pieces) and she told me what to expect.
Mine had a retainer fee and charged hourly. The retainer fee was equal to 10 hours of work. Above that, she charges hourly.
I would at the least check what the laws state for you (Ohio right?). Go out and do a search for divorce in Ohio.. there should be a site that has all the legal crap available.
For us, we have to be separated for 60 days. There is a temporary order (kids, alimony, who gets what cars), a separation agreement (division of assets including bills), then D. That's in Ky.
Keep in mind.. if it's an equitable state, you are just as entitled to half as she is. Half the marital bills are hers.. etc etc. It can get real ugly.. like 401K's etc.
I can ask my mother and father, they just got D about 3 years ago. I will have to get with one of them if they aren’t to busy. I really don’t know what to look for or what to suspect. Correct, I’m in Ohio. I will do a search and see what I can find as far as laws and such. I think Ohio is an equitable state. I really don’t want it to be ugly. I have been thinking about trying to get her to help me out with the bills until the lease is up. I mean I would still like to maintain some kind of relationship with her after the D, even if it is just friends, then maybe that will leave the possibility of maybe getting back together…..or should I get that thought out of my head??
Parents would be a good place to start.. 3 years is a while.. not sure how much D law changes.
Did you guys sign the lease together? You may have an argument there.. again.. need to consult the L.
I can't tell you to not think about getting back together with her.. I will say this though.. that seems to be a big driver for you. I understand.. I'm in the same boat. Try detaching a little more.. friends is a good place to start. That would be my goal.. get through this spot and try to become friends.
Yeah a lot can change in 3 years, but I guess it still won’t hurt to ask.
We signed the original lease together then we received a letter stating that are lease was almost up and if we would like to renew it, sign the paper and return to the office. She told me to sign the paper and turn it into the office, so I did. I haven’t heard anything about signing anything else. If I have to sign another lease then she will have to sign it also and I know she will not do that. Then I would need to find another place..
About being friends, that is a possibility, she said that she wants to, eventually. Do you think that I should get the thought of getting back together with her out of my head? I mean I feel like if I do then I have given up. I mean I do not want to give up but I don’t want to hold on forever…
I'm not saying give up, I'm just saying that your well being seems to be blocked by the thought of you getting back together.
Look at it this way.. it's a good to want that, but you have to be friends first right? How long will it take to become friends again? Beyond that is where the possibility of anything more lies. You need to be OK with that, because that is the cold hard truth.
Something that has kept me in check (albeit not as much as I'd like!!) is to think of what she has done to me.
This has changed my perspective.. maybe I don't want her back. I know I don't want the person she is now. Helps me look at her and say "she's still the alien.. don't want that"
Another thing... if you have time and need something to do, read up on other folks situations. You will be absolutely amazed at how many people are in the exact same boat you are. You could probably learn a ton just by interacting with them. I'm sure you could teach them as well.
Keep it up man.. you're doing good for what you've been through!!
I'm not saying give up, I'm just saying that your well being seems to be blocked by the thought of you getting back together.
Look at it this way.. it's a good to want that, but you have to be friends first right? How long will it take to become friends again? Beyond that is where the possibility of anything more lies. You need to be OK with that, because that is the cold hard truth.
Something that has kept me in check (albeit not as much as I'd like!!) is to think of what she has done to me.
This has changed my perspective.. maybe I don't want her back. I know I don't want the person she is now. Helps me look at her and say "she's still the alien.. don't want that"
Another thing... if you have time and need something to do, read up on other folks situations. You will be absolutely amazed at how many people are in the exact same boat you are. You could probably learn a ton just by interacting with them. I'm sure you could teach them as well.
Keep it up man.. you're doing good for what you've been through!!
THanks jar. I never want to give up. Yes I want her as a friend even if that is all that will ever come of us. At times it does seem to block my well being. Yes we must become friends first and I dont know how long it will take but I can wait forever if she just wants to be my friend..but I will not wait forever to be her boyfriend or even husband (if that will ever come about) but maybe I cant think about that now. I think about what she did to me all the time..it makes me angry and sad. You're right I would not want her back right now, esp. if she is going to keep acting like she is. If I were to take her back their would need to be alot of changes, for me also. Maybe I need to look at her that way, i dont like the person she is right now. But if she is who she really is then i just have to accept that, then maybe I need to ask myself if i really want her as a friend.
I went through a stage where the LAST thing I wanted was to have my W as a friend after a D (regardless of the fact that we have 3 kids). My friends are honest, faithful and have integrity. My W has none of that.
I have changed my viewpoint since then. I do hope we can continue being friends no matter what happens. However, I won't let that interfere with protecting myself, my rights and my children.
I know I wouldn't want my D (god forbid) to be ugly but I will not lie down like a dog and let her have whatever her lawyer thinks is necessary. The thought of retaining a friendship and possibly even re-establishing an intimate relationship AFTER a D could be detrimental. Please don't let those desires get in the way of you being treated fairly.
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
She called me last night and we talked for about 20mins or so, then she had another call and told me to hang on, I did and she hung up and didnt call me back, which is fine but rude. We talked about a lot of things. Why she cheated and why she other things. She said that she can not be alone. I thought about saying then why are you leaving our marriage but didnt. I wish I would have now. She said that she is going to start her life over, a fresh start and she didnt want to have anything that reminded her of her past. I asked so we arent going to be friends then? She said that I was part of her past, then I said yes I am but Im also part of your present. She said yes I was. I asked what about all of her friends, they are in your past, what about them? She said that she didnt know. Then she said that she doesnt plan on staying in the midwest for much longer, she is going to head west but just doesnt know where. I told her that I wish we could have talked more about everything. If she was feeling alone or needed attention or needed anything. I told that I wish life had do-overs and I would have used one with us. She was quite.. She said that she wishes that we could have talked more openly also, but she said its in the past and we cant change it. THen I said yeah but we could for the future. She said that her parents and family are telling her not to date anyone just yet but she said that she really cant be alone. Again I wish I would have said then why are you leaving? We talked about certain factors that played into her decision of the D and if I would have said or done a few things earlier in our R then she thinks things would be very different. I said that I agree. I felt like it was a good talk, I was calm and listened and was nice. I hope that she has seen this. I know that we are over but I am praying for a make up but I know I am headed down the dark tunnel..
