The first visit is tomorrow. WAW will be here for one night, then back home. Kids wil be here for 2 nites, then I will take them home and stay for one night. She just e-mailed me about jackets, and I asked her if sjhe was feeling better. She responded about her and added info about the kids. I did not expect her to reply, although I would have been disappointed if she had not.
I am baking a cake for their visit - a first for me and a big 180. Also got stuff to make pancakes which is/was? one of our weekend traditions. Got mens health and rolling stone mags for effect (as well as reading :-)) I have made great strides from the sad puppy she(and I) hated so much.
I am a little afraid that she will take the improving me as either a ploy or that I do not want our M to work. Should I say I am preparing for worst but hoping for best, leave it alone, wait until I take the kids back to let her think about it for the weekend? Am I laying it on too thick with the cake and pancakes? Why am I so insecure :-)
W just called to say that D7 got pushed in school (not her fault) & we had a decent conversation about that and other topics. I am just trying to focus on the baby steps...
You're honest with yourself, that is good. Setting yourself to be dissapointed is bad, don't do that; you sent her the note.
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Got mens health and rolling stone mags for effect (as well as reading :-))
Props work better in movies. Just don't leave your Divorce Busting book out, where she can accidentally see it.
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I am a little afraid that she will take the improving me as either a ploy or that I do not want our M to work.
It will be seen as a ploy, until time proves it otherwise. Well as for the other part...the changes you make are for you, and going back to the old you was part of the problem in your marriage, the old you.
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wait until I take the kids back to let her think about it for the weekend?
If you are expecting her to have an epiphany over the course of a weekend...well buy something on the way home Monday to soothe your sorrows.
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Am I laying it on too thick with the cake and pancakes? Why am I so insecure :-)
Are you? Be consistent. You are insecure because you're world got rocked and the things you thought were absolute aren't anymore. You're insecure because your wanting validation from your wife, and you cannot control that.
Control yourself, the only thing you can control and you will be fine.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
If you are expecting her to have an epiphany over the course of a weekend...well buy something on the way home Monday to soothe your sorrows.
No, I'm not expecting an epiphany. I want to reassure her that I want M to work out. Although in reality I know she knows that - it is probably a little like telling her I love her and miss her. I realize that I am probably doing that for my own benefit and not hers. I'm sure that is really pushing and I have been so good at not doing that. No need to backslide now because of the baby steps...
Funny thing while we were on the phone. I got a text message and my phone beeped while she was talking and there was a definite (admittedly small) pause in her voice.
thought I made a mistake, but maybe not. I texted her to tell her a follow up to the work issue I hold told her a few days ago - it involves somebody we both know. As soon as I hit send I regretted it - but to my surprise she texted me a follow-up question.
i am so afraid that she is thinking "this is good, he is accepting that it may not work out and I don' thave to feel guilty/bad about it." But I suppose this wold really be good. it would mean that she may start to see me as the person she fell in love with... No?
sorry - but I have another question. The last time the kids visited me she said she felt guilty (about what she did not say) when they got back. I, of course, ruined the mmoment by teling her how great she looked and how much I wanted to save the marriage. A mistake I won't make again. My question is this -- is this a common feeling from WAW's? She of course has a free weekend & I don't know what she will be doing, but I wonder if seeing the stress on the kids about "visiting" actually places more thoughts on what if this M was really over and this is how are life will be?
Doa, your pretty new. Constantly wondering what she is thinking and reacting to it won't do you anything good. Second guessing yourself does the same thing.
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it would mean that she may
See how confusing that statement is and how you are thinking right now?
It could be that. It could be so many things.
This is called a roller coaster ride, because of ourselves. We get our hopes up; and that is the slow clickity clack of the car headed to the top of the rickety frame. Our hopes get dashed, and that is the stomach lurching fall from that very high place we put ourself.
Our hopes and dissappointments are the ups and downs on this emotional journey. Those hopes and dissappointments we placed upon someone we cannot control; our fault, our very own fault for that.
Zero your expecations, both good and bad, and this is a bumpy ride at worst.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Thanks. Last night I watched a Jet Li movie on HBO. It wasn't all that good, but early on his mother said you have defeated everyone you have faced -- your worst enemy is within you. :-)
You are right. I am at least now pondering the what-ifs in my head and with you all, where before I would have pushed her for clarification!
