new here. Feel like dying

[Dom R]

ladybug:

I think your letter is just going to reinforce his feelings of, "she's not willing to work on our marriage, I'm done".

All you're doing with that letter is saying "no" to him, basically.

How about you write up something.... not a "list of conditions", but what constitutes a "good marriage", in your eyes.

I think you are in emotional, "big picture" mode, and he's in male "task list" mode. If you want to have a good conversation with him on this, you need to adjust to his mode, rather than expect him to understand yours.

you wrote, " pray together, laugh together, and mutually love and respect each oth"

To you, maybe that says what you think he needs to know, and what you want/expect from him.
To a man... it says nothing. It seems impossible. Because there are no specifics.
No specific goals == impossible task to complete.

So, to reiterate: i think that you need to write up, in detail, what a good marriage would look like to you.
Then say, "if you will commit to THIS, then I will commit to moving with you".

advanced warning: If you say "I'll wait and see if you measure up, and then i'll 'consider' moving", I think he will see that as an attempt to get what you want, without any commitment to give him what he wants.

So, make sure that what you write up, is what you REALLY WANT.. to the level that if you get it, you will then be able to unreservedly move with him, like you claim you will, if your marriage was only "good enough".


PS: If you find yourself lost on specifics, ONE possible place to start, would be the "guidelines for a good marriage" (or something like that), at marriagebuilders.com