KAW,
what is the difference between living in fear and living with your eyes open?

I understand that sometimes our eyes see things that we then place meaning based upon our fears.

ie. how my foolish mind works...yet again last night I fell asleep on the couch with h (this is a record for me I fall asleep no where but in my bed) I woke to find him asleep on the other couch then we both went up to bed.

this am I saw an empty container of cookies in the trash...h had been awake before I awoke...

I checked his cell to see if he made calls while I was asleep...I check our phone to see the last # dialed out but have no way of knowing what time that call was made and don't really know who's # it is anyway...

I start to think...h is giving me what I want...inviting me to sit on the couch with him...cuddling...kissing my nose...giving me the extra ( ) then waiting til I'm cozy and asleep in his arms trusting that it's for real...only for him to slide away once I drift off to be on his own eating cookies.

is that the way it is??

I don't know...maybe the couch was just to squished with two of us on it...but why not wake me and say hey let's go up to bed?? as I do when I wake?

why do I have this doubt that this is real and will last?? because I lived without it for so long...before h even left for me to be invited to sit with him? unheard of...I would be asked not to sit with him if I attempted to...am I living in fear...waiting to see what's gonna jump out around the corner...is it keeping me from getting comfortable with what is being given (well I am falling asleep so I don't know)

PNT

only women truly understand how great an effect a measily 5 or 10 pounds can have on your pma!!


Tony,

if I could send you some eggplant I would...but I had to promise fil that I'd save him some and that will be hard enough...he garunteed he'd be over for it tonight..but I can't garuntee there'll be any left!! ha ha



so yesterday I got a call from the ambulance director...I am not a criminal so they'll let me volunteer...tonight I have been asked to attend their anual award meeting to meet some of the members and get set up with a beeper and take the next steps...I am nervous but I'll do fine..

LL