Still Dancin'

[SunnySeason]

Hi GD,

Maybe I should move to a new forum since my efforts to save my M are pretty much exhausted. I just don't want to give newbies and others the wrong impression and cause them to give up hope

I hope you don't move to a new forum, at least not for a while.
You, out of most people here, have so much to offer newbies in terms of support & experience.

You really picked up & refined the skills necessary for a healthy R & made them stick. That's really something to show those who aren't certain they can get to that place.

Sounds like you're having fun with the dating-lite, even if you have to keep the kids from taking it to serious lickety-split.

See....like I said, Homer says, "go and date" and everyone is out there dating. Like all you have to do is be out there and BAM, dating. Never had it so easy, too picky I think.

Ya think?

You may have to choose off your top 5 list CVA

Take Care,

Sunny

[Gone Dancin']

Christa,

Just emailed you back. No worries about things not going well with my W. It's been like that for so long now, I'm used to it so it doesn't really affect me either way. My M is over, and I'm finally okay with that.

As far as joining myspace, I've been told by a few people I should do it, but don't know if I ever will. Maybe some day...but don't know if I can set up a page quite like yours! You are a computer/technology genius, I'll bet! .

Sunny,

I hope you don't move to a new forum, at least not for a while. You, out of most people here, have so much to offer newbies in terms of support & experience.

Thanks for the compliment, but it gets so sad to see newbie after newbie, and especially frustrating when I see newbies not investing 100% into DBing or just not getting it. I know they're hurting, but it's like they aren't listening sometimes. When you get to the point we're at, you just feel like everyone should "get it," you know? I also feel guilty when I see newbies and don't comment, but there are so many I just can't invest so much time into all of them.

Plus, what kind of a DBer am I if I'm no longer practicing what I'm preaching (since I'm putting myself out into the dating world). I mean, I continue in all other respects, but I feel kind of hypocritical when I suggest not dating and then go out and do it myself. And on that note...

Sounds like you're having fun with the dating-lite, even if you have to keep the kids from taking it to serious lickety-split.

Yeah, I'm finally comfortable with the idea, and have found a few "prospects." Seriously though, the letting go of the STBX has been a huge relief for me, I feel a lot better in general, and even though I still think about her, my feelings are pretty nonexistent. I'm sad that our M is ending, but I don't really miss her anymore. I did have a dream that I was holding her and caressing her in bed the other night, and when I woke up to it, I actually didn't want to fall back asleep to it. I didn't want to be there, and that was definitely a change (though the dream says a lot about where my subconscious is, I think).

Hope H cancels that trip with OW -- he has to know that is a ridiculous choice to take her if he's expecting to begin working on your M. Hope he makes the counseling appt too -- probably a good idea to bring up the OW trip in your meeting too, or at least the OW sitch (what good would the counselor be able to do if all of the issues weren't out on the table?).

Take care, y'all!

GD (I now feel cool like Nomo!)

[Heimlich]

Heck, I don't even know if you can call it dating -- more like just getting together and talking at this point.

Hmmmm, isn't that, um, basically, a date? I get what you're saying though. Given your previously stated preference for meeting/dating, this does sound like your kind of pre-date dating though. Right? Regardless, you are in an excellent place. There's a different tone in your posts than even just a month or so ago.

especially frustrating when I see newbies not investing 100% into DBing or just not getting it. I know they're hurting, but it's like they aren't listening sometimes

OT expressed the exact same sentiments in one of my earlier threads about how you know when it's time to move threads. I admit to sometimes feeling the same way and I've been at the DBing portion of my R a lot less longer than you have.

Given that DBing, in many ways, is only partially about getting your M back, you, my man, are a success story.

BD

[MinnesotaMan]

GD - You've really impressed me, man. You've managed to pick yourself up, you seem to be feeling really good about yourself, and aren't letting the D get you down/things bother you overly much, it seems.

Bravo.

heh. I'm one of those newbies who's not fully DB'ing, or "getting it". Something I need to try and focus myself on, because I've let myself slip on the "get a life" end of things.

Seriously, though, as Heim said this whole thing is only in part about getting your M back. Moving on and being a strong person? You seem to have gotten that!

[Gone Dancin']

Heim,

Quote:
Heck, I don't even know if you can call it dating -- more like just getting together and talking at this point.


Hmmmm, isn't that, um, basically, a date?

So, if I get with any of my guy friends and do this, is that a date too? Just razzin' you buddy! I hear ya!

Given your previously stated preference for meeting/dating, this does sound like your kind of pre-date dating though. Right?

Yeah, I think so. I'm pretty sure we'll end up doing something without our kids involved in the not-too-distant future. At this point I'm trying to figure out how to go about getting there. I want to call her to see if she would like to get together this weekend and do something, but I need to figure out what "something" could be. I'm going to start looking into possible things today. However, since I called her first and invited her and her S2 to dinner in the first place, I'd sure like to hear from her this time around. If I don't though, I'll still call her. She did say we should get together again, so I know I'm in.

The prospect of this dating thing is kind of tingly!

Given that DBing, in many ways, is only partially about getting your M back, you, my man, are a success story.

No question, Heim -- thanks! I know that this site and DR have been very instrumental in my changes becoming permanent.

MN,

GD - You've really impressed me, man. You've managed to pick yourself up, you seem to be feeling really good about yourself, and aren't letting the D get you down/things bother you overly much, it seems.

Thanks, brotha! It really does come with both time and effort. I've been separated for just over a year now, and the D will be final in less than a month. I was the one that originally filed for D (which I totally regret), and now I'm living with those consequences. However, I've learned so much through this experience, and I know that I wouldn't have learned what I need to in order to improve myself and my life otherwise. It was a necessary evil, for sure.

I know that it's probably difficult for you to imagine getting to a place of acceptance, forgiveness, true detachment, letting go, etc, but in time you will get there. And, when you do, you will be at the place that gives you the best chance of getting W to look back and reflecting on her choices.

I'm one of those newbies who's not fully DB'ing, or "getting it". Something I need to try and focus myself on, because I've let myself slip on the "get a life" end of things.

You're not among those I was referring to, MN -- you're trying and doing a good job. It takes some getting used to, and you're getting there, my friend. If you read through some threads, you see people not taking ANY advice from DB vets, DR, etc. They don't read DR, don't read other threads, and basically just wallow in their own self-pity and hang on to their anger. They aren't even trying to grow and understand themselves and how they got here. I'm becoming desensitized as a result of being here for a little while, which makes it difficult to post to people who "aren't getting it." Therefore, I too am at fault.

Thanks for stopping by, MN -- it is appreciated!

GD

[christarn]

Hey GD...check your junk mail again, I replied to your message!!! Take care, christa

[Gone Dancin']

I replied, Christa -- thanks!

[PMA_Baby!]

You sound great as always GD. Good luck w your new friend. With all the new found awareness and respect you have you will be beating them off with a stick I still think it's just a matter of time before your STBX realizes what she's giving up. But, like u I now feel myself getting past the hurt stages and starting to feel bad for them. Man this is such a fun ride.

B

[Not Much Left]

Yep! I guess I need to start using the STBX label. Cool

[Gone Dancin']

Thanks Broken. I called my new friend yesterday but had to leave a message. Haven't heard back from her yet, but have no doubt that I will.

Don't know about the whole "beating them off with a stick" thing, but I now know that life will go on without STBX. Hard to find a woman who is willing to have a serious R with a man with multiple kids, and who is okay with not having her own kids or anymore kids. Oh well, if I live the rest of my life alone, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be happy. I've got my kids, and that is the most important thing.

Found out yesterday from MIL that STBX was upset about something during D4's b-day party on Saturday, and therefore didn't think it was a good idea to bring up Thanksgiving plans with her at the time. I think MIL knew what it was about, but didn't/wouldn't mention it to me. Probably won't ever know, but it unfortunately made me a little curious nonetheless. Oh well.

Life is good, people! We're all going to be okay!

I'm going out for a drink and then salsa dancing tonight, then hosting a poker party Saturday night. Sunday I hope to go out and do something with my new date interest. Just got some front row tickets to Dane Cook for Nov. 30th, and hope to take date interest to that too. I LOVE Dane Cook (but not like that ).

GD