Since finding this website and the DR book a week ago I have been being positive, not talking about the R and being supportive of her desire to get a part-time job and take some classes at the local college.
I am still at home, sharing the same bed.
We've been very friendly. Talking a great deal about all these new things she wants to try/do.
Every morning when I leave the house she stops her workout to come give me a hug. No kiss like I used to get, no I love you but she is initiating the hug.
A few days ago I went away on a business trip very early in the morning and tried to sneak out without waking her up. However, she got out of bed, give me a big warm hug, said that she would miss me and that she loved me. No kiss.
While on the trip when I called home to check in I got an "I miss you, love you" when we said goodbye and when I got home I got a hug and a "I'm glad you are home".
This all sounds great and I'm not complaining, but I am totally confused. It's like our relationship is exactly the same except someone carved a piece of it away (kissing, romance, physical intimacy).
Just 10 days ago I thought I was getting a divorce or at least moving out. I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I know that compared to a lot of people here I have it good. I'm just completely confused. Does anyone have any insight or a similar experience?
In the world we find ourselves it is often true that no negatives equates to a net positive. At least it sounds like things are cordial with your S and the situation is no longer at critical mass. Just keep on studying the DR book and become one with the principals set forth in it. All you can do is all you can do. If you take the pressure off of her and your relationship and give her the space she needs to come to terms with things, then things MIGHT work out. Just accept that fact, find ways to make yourself happy (relative), and continue to do things that "work". Sounds like you are off to a good start.
Wow, Getting ILYs, wish I could hear that from my W.
Did your wife work before you had children? One thing my W brought out in counseling was she quit her job/career after our 3rd child (she started babysitting at home) and looks back now and thinks where she could have been if she continued to work. This was one of many things but I think it was a big one as she has seen me advance in my profession.
Read DR, set yourself some small goals, work on yourself. Nothing you can do to change her except make changes in yourself, she'll notice. Don't push R talks, if she brings the subject look her in the eyes, listen to what she says and validate.
My wife is in a MLC, she lives with our D24,D24'BF, and our GS. I've made changes, some she has noticed, but some are on hold. (I has quad bypass surgery 10/15). I only wish I'd found DB & DR when she was still at home.
I wish you good luck my friend, just know there are others out here for support and a friendly ear.
Me 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 sep 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
Yes, my wife worked before we had kids. In fact she was quite sucessful. It was her choice to stay home with the kids and she has said its was what she wanted to do.
I have been thinking that this could be a MLC of some sort. She just turned 39 a week before I got the ILYBNITW talk. Also, I just received a huge promo at work a couple months ago.
I know it's not the only factor in our sitch, but it was one W said was on her mind a lot when we were at MC. I had been offered a field engineering position and was asked to instruct a national class on certain manufacturers equipment. Turned it down, too much travel, mostly last minute.
MC confirms W is probably in MLC. Kids see it too, she denies of course. She has filed for a D, but I've not been served yet. She has had 2 or 3 EA's/PA's in the last year and a half. I know it's the MLC acting out and I will forgive her.
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
If this is a MLC it doesn't seem to be the "typical" one. She hasn't been at all selfish or blaming or anything. In fact, she has gone out of her way to tell me how good she has it and how I haven't done anything wrong.
Quit worrying about whether it is a MLC. You've got a chance. Do as many things right as possible and try to find the YOU that she fell in love with way back when. Don't analyze the whys and start taking control over the only thing that you have control over... YOU.
wooglint, keep up the hard work. my situation is very similar to yours. uncanny how similar. i am db'ing, successfully, for the most part. no pressure, no ily on my part, that is very hard for me, because i always told her ily. alot of respect for each other. very little if any affection. she is definitely emotionally detached from me. she also said i was a great husband and father but did not romantic feelings anymore. at times i can tell she is having a hard time. she says she wants a divorce but has only partially filled the paper work out. she says we will have to sell the house but has not lifted a finger to get it ready to sell. we are just in limbo, living our daily lives. also recently she has lost over 115lbs. so i think this has alot do do with her confusion, because she went from 260lbs to 140lbs. she looks fantastic. i just need to keep the faith and follow the dr book, also dobson book. be strong.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
