I would really appreciate some help with this one....
If you read my previous post, you will see that I have asked my husband to consider going for a Retrouvaille weekend. I have not heard an answer yet as I am still at work today.
I have a chance to, stay at an empty house from Nov 7 onward until Jan 7. I would go home of course for Christmas and for Christmas eve. But I am seriously considering telling my husband that I need a break and that if he needs to get a hold of me he can call me there. I wish he would just miss me
I will absolutley miss him more than he would miss me and maybe that is why I'm wanting to do this. To see if he really has anything left for me. I would also tell my kids that if they want to come by they are more than welcome.
I do know that it would really be hard on me if he didn't call and that maybe I'm just dreamimng thinking that he would. Would I be crushed if he didn't care....yes but at least I would know where we are.
I'm just wondering what it would be like when I got home...
Would we be more distant?
I don't know and as with everything else I'm just reaching in the dark for some answers... I know patience is the best answer and maybe this will back fire on me
I just want some input and maybe someone to tell what would be the best way
What would you do if you were in my situation?
Just throwing it out there....
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
Well my two cents would be to take care of yourself !
If this is what YOU need then go for it.
Just keep in touch with the kids daily and if H wants to talk then he will.
I would just explain to him before you take off that this is what you are thinking and atleast allow him some input. If he shows you that he does not care then do it !
best of luck !
W: 28 Me: 27 No kids Bomb: 12/27/06 ILUBNILWU Sep: 2/16/07 Came home: 08/30/07
My 2 cents is that your proposal sounds like a test. You want H to miss you in your way, so you are going to test him. My question is, are you willing to live with what happens if he doesn't miss you and doesn't chase you? What then?
What would it take from H to show you that he missed you? What is your expectation that H doesn't know about?
I've been there and in my experience it doesn't work. It's a difference of expectations and the showing of feelings between you and H. My H and I were just like that. You're expecting H to react in one way and H has no idea what that way is. It's a no win for him.
I would suggest talking. Not just vague talking. But using the words In order to feel more loved/appreciated/worthy/.... I need ___________________________ from you. I know to you it seems as if ____________________ is unnecessary/silly/out of your comfort zone... but it would mean a whole lot to me.
That one phrase has saved H and I numerous times. H has moved home because of it and the communication that it opened up.
When life gives you lemons, trade them for limes and break out the tequila!!-- Soxfan2007
7/1/05 Bomb 7/20/05 H moves out 2.5 years of Rollercoaster 10/30/07 H moves back home
I have to agree w/ Sox. I think you are thinking of doing this as a test of your H and my opinion is that that is for the wrong reasons. If you were saying you were doing it totally for YOU and to give yourself time to think and figure out how you are feeling, etc. then maybe . . . sometimes separation is good, but sometimes not.
How are you going to feel if H decides that he likes it better this way?
How old are your children and what affect is this going to have on them and what are they going to think is going on?
I would hold off, see what he says about the Retroville thing. What if he says yes that he wants to do that? I would say leaving then would not be a good idea.
The other thing I would suggest is a heart-to-heart. Maybe you need to just sit down and ask him straight out what he wants to do as far as your M goes.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Well,he hasn't had a chance to read the pamphlet yet...keeping my fingers crossed
Your're right RHW, what if he likes it better that way? I think I will use it as a get away when I need some space or to give him some space. Maybe for a few hours here and there instead of the whole time gone.
On another note....I got a phone call last week from a man who was almost demanding "who is this?" I asked him the same question since he was the one calling my #. he asked again and so did I before hanging up.
Then it dawned on me that ot may be the OP's husband and he found the # on on of her bills.
You see she still has not told him yet. Her life may be starting to crumble..."welcome to my world B----" All I know is that I do not want this in my house as I have already walked this path and I will set up boundreis with the H. I hope that if she wants to cry on my H shoulders he is smart enough to tell her to handle her own lies...... I told my husband it about it and I told him who I thought it may be...
You know I hope he does find out that his wife is an adulterer. Would put a smile on my face
Anyway back to my mini vacation.....I think I will use it as a peaceful place when I need to go there thanks for the feedback
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
