Jak, Matilda, and HB, Thanks everyone for the hugs.
I think what this is teaching me is that I need to continue to work on detachment, and to set some goals for improving assertiveness skills. I'm good at patience and being supportive, but dealing with conflict in an assertive manner needs improvement. Otherwise, resentment is going to build, and I'm not going to want to be around her and certainly not get close to her. These are the patterns I need to change in the M.
My "Coping with Difficult People" book advises to listen and validate and to break their complaining pattern by proposing solutions. It advises to never apologize (unless I did something wrong), and to point out the contributions I have made. The trick is to avoid the quicksand of incessant negativity that Complainers try to draw you into.
The next book I'm pulling off my bookshelf is "Your Perfect Right" by Robert Alberti. I need a crash course on assertiveness, and some practical ideas to practice. I can see myself backsliding into some old patterns that aren't helpful to myself or the M.
I slept in the guestroom last night to get myself centered and avoid further conflict. I'll return to the main bedroom tonight.
I left my W a message to ask how her day's going. She was irritable last night.
I'm planning on dancing tonight with or without my W. She is welcome to go.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
