Sorry this got so long....Since you all know that I've been reading my husband posts I will respond with my side and opinions. It's funny that I have to go online and sneak a peek at his posts to find out what he is feeling and thinking. You'd think that if he wanted to make this marrige work he'd talk to me about what is on his mind instead of having to talk to "strangers" this way. Over the past 13 years this has always been a major issue during our disagreements. I say disagreements because we never actually fight. Some people say this is good, but sometimes you need to just do it, just fight. We don't "fight" per se so apparently everything is just ducky.
I know this is a source of support for him, it's made him feel better, given him some suggestions, etc. So I've resigned myself to just let it go. It really doesn't matter where he gets the support i guess - i would just think that family would be better. JMHO
As far as my reasoning for wanting to divorce - i've said it over and over again to my H that it has nothing to do with OG. The OG happened because I haven't been happy. I'm no longer seeing OG, last I talked to him (weeks ago) he and his W were going to counseling and working on their own marriage. HFF - you have agreed that you know that OG is not the reason i want a divorce. You have realized OG happened because I have not been happy. It cannot be blamed on that situation.
I am a child of divorce so i certainly do know how it can affect the children. In my opinion my parents divorce should have been handled much differently. If my father didn't just walk away i wouldn't have become the second parent at 12 years old. If they didn't bash on each other in convos with me, i would have more respect for each of them. If he didn't just move away to another state and then say he didn't have the money to see us, i would have a better relationship with him. All of that crap could have been avoided and WILL be avoided. HFF is a wonderful father and i know that he and I will not do the things my parents did. I may be very much like my mother but i am very different also in that I would NEVER bash their father in front of them or to them. I wouyld not abuse them the way i was. They are the most important things to me. I Love them more than words can describe!!!!!
Just remember that you are hearing only one side of the story and in some of the posts here things have been a little embelished or not quite accurately explained. All of this I'm sure to make his plight seem that much more difficult for him. I do feel horrible for hurting HFF but I'm also tired of pretending that everything is wonderful. It's not, for me it hasn't been for a very long time. It has not been an easy decision for me to make - to end my marriage, uproot the kids etc. Yes i cry in the bathroom after dinner, i'm not a cold- hearted Biotch like everyone here thinks. HFF - you know that i am not.
