And so it begins...

[LostInMN]

And he lives to tell about it!!!

As I pulled up to the garage door last night I told myself "She's gonna sheet when she hears this garage door running up", wished I would have called her and gave her some advance notice of what I was doing, but it was too late and I forged ahead. Walked in the laundry room, she was pissed, tight lipped, walking briskly doing clothes, daughter was all smiles and happy. Immediately told wife I wanted to talk to her, we went to another room and of course daughter followed in 15 seconds. I told daughter that mom and dad needed to talk, but that she could stay if she wanted to. Explained that sometimes, just like when she's doing her math homework, people make mistakes, and just like homework, once you know you did something wrong you need to erase it and try a different answer. She understood totally, so told her that I though leaving was a good answer, but after I thought about it decided it wasn't and needed to come back home. She thought that was a good idea. She walked in and out for a while watching tv and playing with toys, just being around dad for a bit. Wife, on the other hand, wasn't as easy to win over. She was mad that I'd left, mad that I was back, mad that I didn't give her warning I was leaving, mad I didn't give her warning I was coming back, you get the picture. I simply said she was right, her feelings were expected, I made a lot of mistakes and wanted to stop making them. She said I needed to get to a counselor or treatment program and get my head figured out why I act so impulsively so often, I told her I had already made an appointment with the same counselor she and I had went to once and that I'd be going to meetings nightly for a while. (She later asked me, in a much better mood, what I thought of the counselor, we both said he seemed goofy but we'd never mentioned that visit since the day it occurred.) She started pacing, obviously upset but more scarfed than mad now, telling me that I really had to make this treatment/counseling work, to get my [censored] together, or else. I don't know what that meant, but didn't think it appropriate to probe for answers. I told her I'd be in the 2nd bathroom, sleeping downstairs, out of her hair as soon as daughter went to bed unless we need to do shop books on the computer together or something, I'd find places for all my clothes downstairs, pretty much would be as if I wasn't there except for when daughter is around. It took a while, 30-40 minutes or more, but I could see the anger/fear/stress slowly fading and we started to talk more calmly and rationally. We went out and played Uno with Daughter until her bedtime, actually joked with each other and had decent conversations for a couple hours, I cleaned up and went to my meeting at 8. 1st time at this meeting, that's always interesting the first time you walk in to a room full of strangers that are all drunks like me, but we all know why we're there and everyone is accepting. Meeting was good, topic was "The search for inner peace". I remember that from what seems like a year ago, even though it was only 6 weeks. Left meeting, went and picked up pictures from storage unit, went home, wife was in bed with all lights off except light over kitchen sink. I unloaded bags of clothes into the basement, brought pictures back into living room and left them until tonight, went downstairs and went to bed. Read for an hour till I fell asleep, but it felt good to be at home, even if it was in the doghouse.

Thanks God for having Dom stay up with me Monday night and beat some sense into my with his keyboard. And thanks Dom and everyone else that told me to go home. I owe ya.