I like your response to 'helping her' with her computer issues. You aren't her 'pc support guy', you're her husband, or not. If not, then you surely aren't her support guy. She has forfeited that luxury.
Poster 'husband' is right, "Getting respect is NOT being a jerk. Just because you are not a "nice guy" does not mean you are a jerk. You are a man that respects himself. You can not expect others to respect you if you don't respect yourself. "
Once again, go to makingherhappy.com and join Davids free mail list.
the hard part is dealing with the "NO OM CONTACT UNTIL WE ARE SPLIT UP". You see, what I have learned is this: If they are 'saying' I wanna divorce! I wanna divorce! then OM contact can't be 'stopped' , just 'restricted' to 'not in my house'.
If they are saying 'I dunno, I dunno, OM makes me 'feel better' , then you are in the toughest place to be , no mans land. You can choose 'tough love' where you say 'end it now', or you can sit and wait for her to 'decide'. However, DB'ing aside (which in these situations I don't believe DB'ing helps, it's much more complicated, and all the DB books have maybe one or two pages out of 200 that address this issue)
I will say that from my observations, when they are in the 'I need om for support' mode, then you need to 'man up' and say , 'uh, I am your man, take me or leave me'. It's difficult, but often the correct choice.
If, in fact, you are like me (which you can read my whole sitch by clicking on the bottom link in my posts) where my W wanted a divorce, while still living with me, and carrying on with OM, then you're in the toughest spot.
Why? Because you are dealing with an irrational woman.
Not because she is a woman, because she is an alien.
So, what do you do? You start by setting boundaries. If she 'needs' om, then you let her know that OM contact will not happen around YOU, or the kids.
Simply put, you are making OM a negative. If she needs OM, he has restrictions on when he can 'be there'. Kinda like a 12 year old curfew.
I told my W that if she 'needed' OM, she was not allowed to talk to him in MY house which was our CHILDRENS house when either the kids, or I were around.
That was our boundary, remember in her mind we were getting divorced.
On night I came home and she was on her cell phone, and it was obvious she was talking to OM. I told her right then to end the call NOW, or leave the house and talk. She was pretty upset, and hung up the call. I told her I didn't care how she pursues her affair, but the kids and I do not need to be part of it.
I said "adultery should be hidden from the family so the kids don't get hurt by her choices"
Needless to say, I got some huffing and puffing. But what was interesting was that the calling stgopped, they were relegated to early morning, or late at night. How odd for two people who were 'in love'. I remember when my W and I were dating we would call all the time to hear each other breathe. Now that's love, or at least infatuation.
