Why do these things happen X - A new beginning

[Nugget]

789 I do see what you mean about things being hard "emotionally" now with her back at home. Kind of strange how when they are away we miss them ever second. But, when they are around we kind of need some space from them ourselves from time to time.

[mkultra]

I think Marriage Builders has pointers on reconnecting and the number one thing is to not spend all your time together. It states that the R will feel too forced. Good point.

[789]

Well I haven't posted on my own thread in a long time. I have now been back for 2 months and a week and not sure if I can mentally do it anymore. She has gone back into her shell and gone in big time about a month ago, I have been DB'ing to death and not sure if I can hold it together much longer. It almost seems she wants me to be the one to say it is over and go, that way she won't have to have the guilt of it not working out, if that makes sense. I have found out through the grapevine that she has told a few people that we are not back together or even living together. I guess that is part of what makes me just want to say fine and move on myself.
Sorry for ranting but it has been a long weekend and I am fed up and just needed to b*tch.

[Sara]

789,

I know you almost did Retrouvaille, but couldn't get away that weekend. You should at least try to do either an Imago or a Retrouvaille weekend before you give up. There is a lot that goes on there that breaks down walls. And it seems like you have been running into walls.

[SallyM]

I agree with sara. 789, are you in MC at all?

[NikB]

789 - hi! I'm trying to catch up on everyone who's joining us for the GAL weekend in Sonoma (anyone who's interested - check out the Just for Fun forum).

Wow... it blows me away every time I read SUCH similar stories. Sounds like you and I are in really similar spots mentally right now.

I totally get what you're saying about her wanting you to be the "bad guy." I alternate between thinking that and wondering if my H came back just to "prove" to me that it won't work.

In my case H is/was the WAS and was the one to move out. We had a great "honeymoon" period when he came back, but when he started withdrawing again, in the heat of an argument, I asked "So, what? This was all a trick just to get back in the damn house and force ME to be the one to move??" Followed by some other choice words. Yeah not a proud moment.. but I bet you can relate.

What's helped me and might help you - carve out some space for yourself and really make it your own. Feeling like a guest (and one who has overstayed their welcome at that) is NO FUN. So pick a room or part of a room or whatever, make it your own, and "move" there for awhile. I'm doing this myself right now - haven't even "moved" yet but just working on the area and making it mine has been incredibly therapeutic. Take your mind TOTALLY off your W and M for awhile and see how you feel.. it'll give you BOTH some time to think without the trauma of moving again.

Just a thought..

Can't wait to meet you in December! I know you said 90% yes but I'm being optimistic .

[nephartiti]

789,

Hang in there buddy. I agree with the others. You have gone through so much. Retro is worth a shot.

((HUGS))

[789]

I am hanging in there. It is just getting harder day by day. I am not going to give up even though I have days like I feel I should. I realize I must just let this time pass and it should get better, but it sucks at the moment. Not much else to add, just another day in paradise.

I do hope to be in Sonoma on 12/7 also. It is just a short drive so I have no real reason not to show up once I get work figured out.

[789]

Short little update.
Well I had a very bad DB'ing night on Monday, I actually started a fight with her. But now after the fact I think it may have started some positives with wife. We still haven't got it all figured out but I finally found out what a lot of her issues with "us" are/were other than the obvious ones I already knew.
So onward I travel this path.

[789]

Well since the other day when I "wrongly" started an argument to get her talking things appear to be getting better each day. We seem to be talking a lot more about everything, even stupid stuff. The big shocker is she wants to go visit my parents in the beginning of the year, she has not seen them in over a year, we use to go 4-5 times a year, crossing my fingers on that one.
I wish I could get in here more often but with circumstances as they are it is pretty hard to get alone time with the computer.
Guess I will spend the next hour or so reading up once again on everyone's situations.