Hi, lwb, maybe we're just getting to the point where we've dealt with their cr*p so much we begin to just not care so much about being nice anymore. They don't seem to respect us either way.
<journaling> After being on the waiting list since July, I finally went to an appointment with UNC's program for research and aid for people with Autism Spectrum Disorders, including Asperger's Syndrome (AS). If you've followed my sitch, you know that my S6 was diagnosed a couple of years ago with AS, and that has been one of the sources of friction between my W and I.
Well, today's opening intake interview was to focus on me, to see if I need to be diagnosed with having AS or some related disorder. My W has been insistant that S6's condition is no accident, and given her characterization for how I have treated her in our marriage she feels that "there must be something wrong" with me. I cannot rule out the possibility of me having AS -- I do seem to have a few of the more stereotypical traits that characterize people with AS, shyness, tendencies to introversion, etc. Even so, I would attribute the problems in our M to more important factors. But as I have theorized elsewhere in these threads, I know deep down the real reason W wants to have me diagnosed is to be able to throw off blame from herself on two levels -- (1) our son's condition and (2) the failings in our marriage.
For my part, I have agreed to have myself checked out for my son's sake. If I do have some form of this disorder, then obviously I would have the best perspective in helping him get through this. (Like G.I. Joe says, knowing is half the battle.)
In today's inteview, I talked for a long time this morning with one of the psychologists. I guess for about an hour and a half, seemed a lot longer. She asked me many questions about myself, my recent history that led me to them, and about my childhood. We focused on how well I interacted with other people over my lifetime, the duration of friendships, how my M is unraveling, etc. We talked about my experience with grade school, high school, college, dating and how I have been able to get along with people in my work. We talked about my W, my 2 S's and how I view my family. We also talked about how I got along with my parents, and how I only recently reconciled with my own father.
We covered quite a bit of ground, and at a few points she allowed me to ask a few questions in response. I asked her several questions about AS, especially how marriages to a partner with AS tend to be short-lived, if they ever marry at all -- I asked primarily out of concern for S6's future. I told her that I am concerned for how S6 is going to be able to proceed in life with this "handicap" and that I want to be better informed to be able to help guide him better as his father.
Towards the end, the psychologist let me know that she did not feel that I exhibited any signficant traits that would lead them to further testing me for AS. She explained that in my various modes of communicating with her in this session, both verbally and nonverbally, I showed only typical/"normal" traits. And certainly the history I conveyed to her and the focus I placed on events in my life were not characteristic of people with AS. At most she thought that the shyness and social difficulties in my past were more due to social apprehension rather than any physiological disability.
In summary, based on her assessment, she did not feel it would be necessary for further testing of myself, but that we would instead place the focus on S6, who is slated to come in to see them in January. She offered that, if instead I felt like I needed to be futher tested, I could call them back to arrange for further tests be performed (likely involving getting in depth input from my mother to try to see if they can find any such traits from my youth) but otherwise she was satisified that it wasn't necessary.
Bottom line: I don't exhibit tendencies strong enough to warrant a diagnosis of Aspergers.
I drove away feeling a bit torn. Part of me would have welcomed a positive diagnosis, even if it meant W would feel justified in ditching our M. I think the commonality with my S6 would have been a benefit to our relationship -- and right now I realize that I love my S's a whole lot more than I love my W. At this point I value my fatherhood far more than my M.
The other part of me is just angry and hurt. While feeling a little relieved. And feeling a little "I told you so!" towards my W. She is putting us all through this emotional h*ll. So selfish. Part of me wants to gloat, and part of me wants to cry.
Will I tell W? What will I tell her? Whatever I say to her, it won't mean much to her either way. She is just looking for an excuse, any excuse.
