Now I don't know that I can go back to the house, wifes parents have offered to let me stay at their empty house, wife thinks coming back will be bad for daughter, wife doesn't want me back, I'm just a mess over here.
This isnt a "can't" situation. Dont take a cop-out on the decision and pretend you dont have a choice in the matter. you Do have a choice.
The longer you wait to move back, though.. the more difficult it will be. Dont wait another day!!!!
reguarding "wife thinks coming back will be bad for your daughter"...
there's two things to say about that:
1. see prev. post, re: [doing the right thing, doesnt always make your wife happy right away]
2. I'd say that what your wife really thinks will be bad for your daughter, is you coming back, and then LEAVING AGAIN.
Make the decision to come back, and then NOT LEAVE AGAIN.
and again..dont try to argue about it with your wife. you know it's the right thing to do, but you're scared of dealing with your wife's opposition to it.
She wont keep opposing it, once you show her that you're not going to do it again.
give it two weeks, with you there, and your mouth shut to arguments, and see what happens.
Last edited by Dom R; 11/13/0705:04 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Oh yeah, she accused me of making decisions without considering the long term consequences, but not really in an attempt to avoid the pain. More that it was a tendency of always just looking for what's best for me short term, or at least what I think is, often without thinking it through, next thing you know it's done and I regret it. And it's not so much that it hurts to not argue as it is that I feel she is just so uncomfortable with me there, she doesn't feel like she can do or say anything without worrying I'll take it wrong, so she is always on edge, waiting for some conflict, I feel she'd be better able to find some peace and look at our situation with eyes more open than if I am always there in her space and she's constantly struggling with just "us' and our conflicts. And trust me, I've been hurt by a lot of things in the last month, a few more comments from her isn't going to hurt any more than it does already.
Me:46 Her:40 Daughter:7 She Dropped Bomb:10/7/07 She Filed Papers w/State:10/30/07 I Left Home:11/11/07 I Moved Back In:11/13/07 My Outlook: I want nothing more than a future together and will do whatever it takes. Her Outlook: Been too long coming, I'm done.
The only time she is worried about me leaving again is when the divorce papers are finalized, which will likely be soon, weeks.
Have a good day Dom. Thanks again.
Me:46 Her:40 Daughter:7 She Dropped Bomb:10/7/07 She Filed Papers w/State:10/30/07 I Left Home:11/11/07 I Moved Back In:11/13/07 My Outlook: I want nothing more than a future together and will do whatever it takes. Her Outlook: Been too long coming, I'm done.
It suddenly dawned on me, not sure why I'm so dense sometimes.
The way things stand right now, when my daughter is 12 or 17 or 33, or whenever, she can always look back and say "Yeah, my folks didn't get along and my dad walked out on us." F%CK THAT!! I won't tell her, at 7 years old, that mom doesn't feel she can love dad anymore and mom wants dad to leave, we have simply told her that we don't get along with no one being responsible for initializing the divorce, but I'll be DAMNED if she'll ever look back on me as the parent that walked out!!!
Mom better be ready, cause daddys coming back home after work tonight!!!
Me:46 Her:40 Daughter:7 She Dropped Bomb:10/7/07 She Filed Papers w/State:10/30/07 I Left Home:11/11/07 I Moved Back In:11/13/07 My Outlook: I want nothing more than a future together and will do whatever it takes. Her Outlook: Been too long coming, I'm done.
If I HAVE to?? LOL... that's rich... we haven't shared a bed for 5 weeks solid, and it was infrequent before that, she claimed it was because I snored or tossed at night, but I know better.
We have a spare bed downstairs, I'm hoping to just get all my clothes back in the dresser and closet, spend some time with daughter and head for the hills once she goes to bed. Be nice, be civil, but not talk anymore than wife needs/wants to. And avoid relationship conversations.
Me:46 Her:40 Daughter:7 She Dropped Bomb:10/7/07 She Filed Papers w/State:10/30/07 I Left Home:11/11/07 I Moved Back In:11/13/07 My Outlook: I want nothing more than a future together and will do whatever it takes. Her Outlook: Been too long coming, I'm done.
Catfan, you didn't leave 2 days ago. That would be kind of abrupt in your case.
Lost ~ You would have to have complete control over your emotions and inform your wife in a matter of fact way that you were coming home. If you can't pull that off, and it is doubtful this early in the game, you shouldn't do it. I tried to post this from work earlier but the freakin' computer locked up and I had to leave. I will get more familiar with your sitch this evening.
) be off the forums for a day now.
)
