you know, its the stupid things that get to me. d3 just came up to me and said that she wants red sox earrings. I repeated it back to her, that she wants red sox earrings? she said yeah, daddy's friend (ow's name) got her red sox earrings but they don't fit yet. wtf???? seriously. I smiled and said, well, someday they would (no plans to pierce her ears till she's around 7).
h told me about the earrings, but that a girl that used to work for him bought them for her. I was so pissed, I called him and told him what d3 said. I know, that was probably wrong, but c'mon, h, just freaking be honest once in your life. he swears that the girl, K, bought them for her, offered me her number to call her even. he knew I wouldn't do that, I didn't. why bother? ow will be buying my daughter plenty of stuff in the time to come. just something about having ow's name come out of my sweet little daughter that just makes me sick.
guessing she's heard it from me or h, either when we've talked (not argued) in front of them. I mean, we aren't open about things in front of the kids, but yes, ow's name has come up. or maybe she's just heard it from h when he is on the phone with ow around them.
omg, I want to throw up.
f-er.
funny how this just set me off...I want to cry and scream. and I've been doing so well! but then, my therapist would probably tell me its okay to cry and scream...let it out, let the river flow, and release it. tough when my family that made it seem normal to stuff emotions. okay, processing. I can do this. but wow, I don't want to. she is going to be a part of my kids life soon, and I don't want her to be. omg. fck.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
