I have been a little allover the place and also been quiet at times when perhaps I have should have posted. I had a wonderful email exchange with another member from this board, lifted my spirits and also showed me how important it is to put our thoughts and feelings into words to release them in a way. As a bonus, they might also help someone else who is here seeking help or support.
My story is as follows.
For the past 3 years we have been trying to conceive, visiting clinics and doing whatever one could to have a baby. This put a strain on our love life and by extension also the rest of our life. I did not know what to say, and my W felt that I did not want it badly enough or as much as other men and on and on. I am not suggesting that it was the only thing, but it certainly built a wall between us.
At the same time my wife who works from home started to spend time with a mutual friend of ours. Taking the dogs to the park and so on. I was happy for her, and it got her out and moving, she had also gained a fair bit of weight after we quit smoking 4 years ago. He is much older 50 and my W is 37 so that and the fact that we were friends kept me innocent and not suspecting anything. I guess looking back I can see when the situation changed but I never suspected anything.
Then in late July I confronted my W and she said she was in love with the OM. I did all the classic feel sorry me dramatics probably better than most. I felt the rage and the hurt. I lived through every possible scenario of the betrayal as well as of all the physical and sexual stuff. I wrote letters to my W pleading and telling her what a lousy husband I had been.
It took me a while, or should I say it still sinking in that we should truly go against our best instincts and do much of what Michelle teaches. I bought both the books and the CD's, and ofcourse I was hoping that my W would be eager to right the wrongs or jump on board with me. No such luck. She is still in the fog and dealing with her demons of which I am not a part. I feel that I want to help, but realize that she is on her own and I have to give her time and space to come back to the real world in many ways.
I long for the physical times and the intimacy, yet I fear it as well. We have only fooled around two times when we were both aided by adult beverages so it was a very surreal experience in a way. This is where I can see how easy it is to fall into the trap of finding another person to be emotional and intimate with. I can see it, yet I know the hurt I am living with or have been dealing with and there is no way I can be part of creating that for anyone else.
I guess time and patience is needed here as well.
Now my W is going to the Bahamas with some girlfriends, perhaps a good break for her yet a hard one since no one knows about what has been going on. I struggle with the thought that she is living a lie, yet I see now how comfortable she was lying to me for so long, I know it cannot be easy for her. I will post here and if anyone feels that they want to blabber with me, please do so.
It is so odd to think that but a few months ago I used the internet to fuel my passion for old fishing lures, and now I am here trying to re fuel my marriage and bring back the love of my life.
M:42 W:37 Married 6 years Together 10 Bomb, July 30, 07, EA for 6 or more months PA for at least 3 months
