Kiddo and I stayed the night at xh's last night. The original plan was for him to pick up the baby at my place, but he asked me to come by since he was low on gas. Then he just asked if we'd both stay. He still wants some alone time with the baby, so we may reschedule for later this week.

We talked some more. xh seems really angry with his mother. He said she was 'crazy'. (Not literally, he just sounded frustrated.) It sounds so odd, in contrast to what I remember him talking about her when we first started dating. How hard she worked, raising three little kids, escaping from an abusive husband, etc.

Anyway, apparently, MIL thinks that I am "b!tchier" than I used to be. xh said he thinks this is because I refused to talk about our R with her. (He and I both agreed that it's no one else's business.) I found this hurtful, and told him so. (After all, I made an extra effort to take the baby to see all of his family when I was there a couple of months ago.) He told me not to worry about it, and that he is on my side.

We only hung out for a bit, since it was late, and I was tired. xh also talked to me a bit when I laid down with the baby. There's been more of incidental touching lately...he had his hand on my leg while we chatted. It's like he's forgetting to remove it lately. ;\) Anyway, he told me he was thinking earlier about some of the good memories...how happy he had been, how much he liked being married. (Guess the "there as always something missing" fog may have thinned, a little.) I told him I missed it, too.

His cell phone text ringtone went off. (JD, who else?) It was funny. He didn't jump up and run. He even seemed bewildered for a moment, and said, "Wow, I don't want to run and check it. Somehow, you seem more important right now." (Note to self: not going to fall into score keeping with JD. Just mentioning because this is the most 'open' he's seemed in a very, very long time.)

Anyway.

Positives about me I like:

I'm less hung up about whether or not xh called. I don't impulsively check my phone 100 times, after I've walked the dog, or been in the shower. I do look, but it doesn't feel so necessary.

I also genuinely worry less about saying the wrong word. If we have a minor fight...so what. It's something to learn from.

Positives in xh I like:

xh is much less critical. I'm not sure when it stopped, but I suddenly realized, he's no longer asking "What'd you do that for?" It used to have this undercurrent of judgment to it. I haven't heard that in months.

Azhira

my confusion