No, I know the message was not from ow. She has never dared call the house ....yet! The strange part was his reaction.
Here's another changes in behavior from H. He just told me that he's coming home right after work instead of going out the guys because he doesn't want to be away from us another evening. Hmm...
all seems good. I have been reading some archives on MLC and one of them mention about how long it takes for her H to let go of OW She was very patient and just waited. Not sure if I can wait that long. Also read that the road to coming back is not easy. Her h came and left a few times before finally recommitting. Gave me hope. I just have to learn to shut my mouth and wait. Wanted to say this because in her situation, OW did call, many times. That's when OW gets deperate. I know my H will never give her our home number so I don't have to worry about that part. Though I sometimes fantasize about her calling so I can tell her how sorry I am for her having such low-esteem as to having to live on someone's husband and basically take charity crumbs from my h now.
Just got forwarded the invite to H's company x-mas party in December. I guess that means he is assuming I'm going... He's being so nice and so thoughtful lately. It's times like these that you just wonder why the ow even exists!
I feel like I'm missing something. Why won't he just let go...of someone???? It's like those stories you see on 20/20 of men who live double lives and have two families. H and I used to laugh about that but, I swear it sometimes seems like he's become one of them.
I feel like I'm missing something. Why won't he just let go...of someone???? It's like those stories you see on 20/20 of men who live double lives and have two families. H and I used to laugh about that but, I swear it sometimes seems like he's become one of them.
They do seem to be totally different people than they once were. I wonder if they think the same thing about us?!!!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Well.. I was accused of being this hideous, cold woman in the beginning of all of this. Now, H has seen so many changes in me that he doesn't know what to do. So, yes... I bet they do see us as changed people. Changed for the better But, now they don't know what to do with those changes that they seemingly wanted so badly.
I totally can related with H being confused about the changes in me. H is worried they still are not for REAL (even though he saw them happening LAST October) or that they will stay for good. It's like he's trying to find reasons not to love me - even though he's at home he says he feels no love or commitment...wonder how long I will wait this time...
I am just thankful I made my changes before I knew of OW otherwise he'd have that argument too....
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
This OW is like an addiction. I link it to like a drug addict. H will try to break it off, then go back and forth a few times, hopefully each time (of leaving, resenting) is shorter. Eventually, hopefully the H will come back for good. I have given up trying to put logic into this thing. I just keep reading to understand the pattern that they are going through and try to brace myself when h withdraws.
My H tells me that our M is stronger now. I have changed to put him at the top priority. He likes it when he was (or still is?) in MLC. But now he is in the phase of resenting me again. Things that he likes when he was (or still is?) like me taking care of my appearance (nothing too much, just better from my very very casual self before), getting too thin, etc. But at least he is paying attention to what I am now, which is much better than before when he does not remember anything!!!
I think it is scary for them. They want their old M back, yet you have changed and the whole dynamics has changed. Now they don't know what it will be like going forward. And this time, they (hopefully) are thinking this M, if it survives, will be long term. But they don't know if your change is permanent, or if you will go back to your normal self (that's what my H wants now for me), or what. It is scary. Meanwhile, we have grown so much stronger that we know we will weather any thing that comes our way from now on.
LO, just enjoy the nice H now, and brace yourself when he backslides. I used to tell myself just to treat H as a "date that is pursuing me" and enjoy the nice treatment, with no expectations.
But, now they don't know what to do with those changes that they seemingly wanted so badly.