Amanda, I have to echo everyone else's comments here. First stop pushing for answers, reassurance and reconciliation. All that does is drive your husband further away.
One of the difficult first steps is to get ahold of yourself, your emotions, etc. But there are a lot of good books out there Divorce Busting and Remedy are two great ones as is Getting Back Together. I especially like GBT for the chapters on helping identify your values which help you understand yourself a lot better. Here's a link to it, Getting Back Together, available from Amazon UK.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
