More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

Man this is tiring. 2 steps forward and 1 step back, sometimes 2 steps back.

It's like we're just in this holding pattern. We're getting along great but nothing is changing. I'm sure it's my lack of patience. She still wants D and all I can think is "go ahead, get it started". Not because I want it but because at least it's movement of some kind!

I need to review what I've been doing to see if I need change any of my behavior. I thought things were going really well but have heard from a 3rd party that she has no love for me outside the fact that I am the father of her children and we have been best friends for so long. She has affection but no love.

This is the first time in a long time that I'm feeling beaten down. I think it's because last week ended up being a really good week and I let my expectations build. I'm torn. There was flirting, playing and really good discussions. If I detach now, I'm afraid any gains (if there really were any) will be lost.

Maybe the positive interaction last week was too soon. Or maybe I let myself get pulled back in too easily. She probably saw how easy it was for me to turn around and be there/here for her when SHE needs it.

Going to do some more reading, see if I can bring myself back to where I was before.

So the plan is to detach a bit, work on my PMA again and to keep myself guarded against the 'good' feelings that come out of our interactions. Not that I won't allow myself to enjoy those time, but I can't let those feelings make me forget the purpose here. I need to get her to chase me, not the other way around.