I guess I didn't realize that my thread had locked up.
Well, I've been off the boards because D3 has been sick. I didn't get a chance to get on Sat. evening and then she woke up sick on Sun.
Thing have been extremely quiet, not really in a good way though. I think I mentioned in my last thread that H has been more angry lately. That anger shows by him giving me real quick 1 or 2 word answers and that's it. On Sat. evening, H made a good dinner and the three of us ate together. We just kind of hung out at home. D3 went to bed and the two of us were sitting up watching a movie. H got up to go to bed and his phone started ringing (10:30). It rang a few times. I got upset and asked who was calling. He said it was his friend _____. He turned the ringer off on his phone, set it on the shelf and went to bed. I stayed watching tv in the living room and could hear it buzzing. I fell asleep and woke up at 11:30. As I was walking into the bedroom, his phone started buzzing again. I picked it up. It was a buddy of his, but it listed that OW had been one of the calls at 10:30. WTF??
So, on Sunday D3 woke up and was sick. H was angry and would barely talk at all. He went to work out at 8:00 am and got back at 10:00. When he got back I left to get some things for D3. He was okay with her during the day, but didn't offer to help with anything. Last night he made dinner and didn't even tell me when it was done. I eventually walked out in the kitchen to see it all done and he was eating in the dining room. Just a real butthead! Later, I asked him a question and he was silent. I just said.....H, why are you so angry with me? No answer. I just walked out of the kitchen. D3 had been laying/sleeping in our room all day and I knew she wouldn't want to go back into her own room. I set her and I up in the den with the futon. I knew I'd be up 1/2 the night with her anyway. H slept in our room alone. I didn't let D3 go to school today and took her to the dr. A little ear infection. H called us twice while we were there, one call which I was able to answer. He just asked me to call him later and let him know what we were up to. He was actually decent. I asked him what he was thinking as far as going back to visit his dad in Dec. He said that WE'D take one day off and have a Fri. & Sat. with them. He was okay with me about that trip conversation too.
I don't know where this whole thing is headed, but I'm glad I got back on the AD's. I feel a bit better today. I just keep thinking about how this A is following the exact same period of time as the last one. It started about the same time and got worse and worse around this time. I just can't tell how deep they are in this, but if OW is calling at 10:30 on a Sat. night, I feel it's a lot deeper than I want to think about. I'm just tired.
IMHO the anger is a common trait. My W went through (and still is I suppose) a great deal of anger for the mess I had made of her life. That is what drove her to the A - WTF.
Sorry to hear about the calls, but on the positive side he did not take it and left it alone. It might be that the anger is not directed at you, but himself.
Look after yourself and your D. It is much harder to DB when you are tired, so rest as much as you can. Srry to hear about D also, I am lucky that W is totally committed to our S and D. Look on the bright side. Although your H is not talking to you, he is at least making you food.
Chin up and smile (even when you don't feel like it).
Sues, I think he is so angry because he knows what a mess he has made of everything. It sounds like the OW is being pursuing and needy. Let her keep it up. It will get old soon, sounds as if it is already!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Sue I wouldn't take it personal. He very well could be angry and disgusted with himself. Sorry about the OW calling. You are very brave and have great self control. You and LWB amaze me sometimes. Because if I would have caught my husband in a lie I would have confronted him and asked why she was calling. I think that is the Gemini in me we always try to figure things out. lol
Sorry about your little girl. Hope she gets to feeling better soon.
What are you plans for Galing? What is your plans for making Sue happy this week? : ) Maybe a movie or a dinner out by yourself?
trying, these days, I call him on his lies, and now I'm called a 'snooper'. LOL I don't care, he can do what he want, but I'm calling him on it when I catch him.
Sue, did he know you checked his phone, maybe that was the reason for even more anger on Sunday morning. I have dealt with the anger thing and used to try to help, ask him why he was mad at me, etc, now I just walk away. I haven't done anything to deserve his treatment of me, so I am not taking it. How rude for him to make dinner and not even let you know...
Ignore the anger, and call him out on the outright lying. You are now seeing a pattern to the previous affair right? What do you think you want to do?
So sorry about poor D3, its so hard to have sick little ones. HUGS
lwb- I do wonder if H knows I looked at his phone. I kind of did it in a haze. I was 1/2 asleep. That's a pretty pathetic reason to treat a person like crap. You have an A, yet have the right to be mad when you spouse is trying to figure out where things are? I've never had an A, so I don't know what that's about. Man, he even gets nosey when I'm on the computer too long. The other night he came over and actually looked and asked me what I was looking at. Then, when I went out with my cousin, he asked me before I left what we were doing & where I was meeting her. Yet, I have no right to ask questions.
H called again this afternoon to check on D3 and see what we were doing. He told me that if she's sick tomorrow again, he'd take part of the day off so I didn't have to use more time. Then he sat and told me about his day.
Well, D3 wants some attention. Thanks again!
Pamar, trying, Yoyo......thank you!!
Sues
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Sue, don't get me wrong, I am not condoning his rude behavior, just trying to explain it from the WAS point of view. My H has gotten his most angry when I snooped, or when he even thinks I am snooping. Your H doesn't seem as possessive of his phone though.
He has no right to treat you the way he does. Know this.
Glad he checked on D3, offered to stay home, and is communicating. Big super hugs Sue!
Ok, how old is this man? Sounds like a 12-year-olds attitude by ignoring your questions, etc!! How rude! Perhaps he was in a really bad mood. This happened after the phone incident, I take it?
I guess we've all been on the receiving end of the anger when we catch them in lies -- or when they find out we've been snooping. Makes me so indignant that they act this way after what they've done!
He sounds better today if he was volunteering to take off to take care of your sick D. Maybe it was PMS!! Ha!!
Sues, Joie is right they do act like 12 year olds. It's like last Monday night when my H got mad at me because I had talked to the OW's ex H on the phone. Wow, come one I just talked to him, he slept with her. Their anger is definitely misdirected! They are in such a fog, they can only see our "wrongs" not their own. You know what my husband said when I compared our misdeeds? Two wrongs don't make a right!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
