I keep coming here and reading these wonderful posts. I've taken the decision over the weekend to backtrack and agree to the D that H so desparately wants. I've done this b/c he is so horrible to our children (except S15) and I can't bear them to suffer in this way anymore. When your D17 tells you that she hates her father it is quite a powerful message that perhaps you are not doing what is right for them. I know I am not to blame for her feelings but she has clearly become embroiled in all that has been going on. I need my life back and she needs to find love for her father again.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Some encouragement for what it is worth...my D who was 18 when H left and 20 when he returned didn't speak to him for nearly a year after he moved back in...she would ignore anything he said and would only respond if I spoke to her...but now...over a year and a half later...she is doing well with her relationship with H...they watch movies together, play games, go shopping, out to eat...all the normal things they did before...it just took a long time for her to heal...and he left her alone...didn't insist she speak to him or listen to him...he accepted her feelings...gave her the space she needed...sort of like DB'ing...and eventually it all worked out...a long process but eventually it worked out...
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Piecing a Marriage back together is not easy, especially after MLC. But hopefully there is enough love and forgivness to make it happen. My S21 is now seeing a therapist to help him get through the anger. D19 is back to being daddy's little girl again. Things are falling into place. I am happy, except for the snoring part!! It really is a new relationship, but with a nice comfortable feeling from the past. Planning our future together is blessing, one I never thought would ever happen. We are actually planning our next anniversary which is on 08/08/08. My next dilemma is the wedding ring. I have not given his back to him, as he hasn't asked for it back. I thought about giving it to him on Christmas Day, but Jeanette suggested I do it on New Years Day....... Start out the new year as we mean to go on.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I haven't given an update lately, mostly because things keep changing everyday. My H was a radical MLCer. He hooked up with a fatal attraction OW (much younger) about three years ago. I predicted on this board two years ago that H might never get rid of her, no matter how bad things got (and they got pretty bad).
To make a long story short, our D was final in September. Up until that day, I hadn't heard from H for months. Since that day, it has been non-stop contact, mostly about how miserable he is and how much he missed me and the kids. He said the OW still wouldn't leave his house, but I thought it was just another lame excuse to keep from coming home.
About 6 weeks ago, he called one night on the road to tell me he would be kicking OW out of his house. He said he didn't trust her. I don't know what happened that night, but she didn't (wouldn't) leave. I was not surprised.
H called last week to tell me that we "weren't done yet" but that I would starting seeing action from him instead of just words.
Last night he called to tell me the Sheriff's Department just evicted OW. Three deputies carried her kicking and screaming out of H's house. The deputies asked H if he wanted to press charges because H was covered with scratches and bruises. He told them no, just to get her out of his house.
Hindsight, I think the affair ended some time ago. It played itself out while they were still living together. I think H would have ended the affair a long time ago if she would have left. Her suicide threats wore out, her guilt trips on H wore out, and he finally saw her for what she was.
He asked me out for lunch on Friday.
FWTW, H and I aren't officially D'd yet. We haven't signed the papers and the judge hasn't signed yet. Whether or not we sign the papers, H is probably right that we "aren't done yet".
Val!!!! Wonderful news! My predictions is coming true. You have hung in there when you felt that there was no hope. I am glad the cloud is clearing from your h's brain!!!!
VAL !!!!!! THANK YOU !!! Just what I needed to hear just before I go to bed tonight ! I am SO HAPPY for you !!!! My H also has a gorgeous YOUNGER ow !!!! I have very little hope of him EVER giving her up ....so THANK YOU !!! MUCH MUCH LOVE and the VERY VERY BEST to you BOTH !!!!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Val I would also like to thank you for this post. My sitch sounds very similar to yours. I don't know if OW is threatening all those things but I do know she walked out one night after a row b/c our S15 was there staying with H. We aren't D yet but H is pressing for one and has started the ball rolling via Ls. Up until last weekend I was fighting the D but I decided last weekend to change that (although H doens't know that yet). I so hope you never have to sign those forms.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
