Not so sure anymore

[hopeforfuture]

Hey Ladies,
Thanks for the comments.

We went to the initial session for mediation yesterday. Nothing was signed at this point. It was really just for introductions and to get us familiar with the process. Funny thing after we did the introductions, the mediator asked "so you are both here because you want to get a divorce?" I said, well not really. She's wants that, but I'm not completely convinced that is the best solution. He then asked if we had done counceling which we have and suggested that we try at least one more time. He went on to talk about the kids and how they should be our main concern through this process. Talked a little bit about what the process would be and a little about how the finances would work.

I guess it was a good meeting overall. As long as we can both work on coming to an agreement, it seems to be a better approach than litigation. It is much less formal and we can still get feedback from our individual attorneys to make sure everything is being done equitably.

At least you are communicating. That is the most important thing. Sorry if I gave her ammunition against you. Certainly not my intent.

Sometimes more sometimes less on the communication. I think we've both gone a little dark for the past few weeks.
I kind of liked your comparison to presents. Not sure why that one bugged her so much, but I actually got a bit of a kick out of it.

Have you considered going to a Retrouvaille or Imago weekend? If you two have open communication a lot can be accomplished there.

We had a short discussion last night about expectations going forward and I brought this up again. We had planned on going to one or the other, but we have since dropped this. I was talking about different options and how housing would work out. I would like to keep the home, but don't know if is financially possible especially if I am required to buy out her equity. We were talking about how assets would be split and how to make it fair to both of us. I mentioned that I didn't want things to be uneven, but at the same time this is her decision to leave, so I didn't think it was fair that I should be forced to sell the house and leave. I then asked about other scenarios besides the mediation. Could we separate for a period of time or even continue living together like we have for the past few months? She said I was only bringing up the living together because I still hoped that she might change her mind and she didn't see any benefits to a separation. There is a Retro session in our area in January and I suggested that we could try this before going through with something as final as divorce. She didn't seem to be absolutely against the idea, but did say that if she didn't agree to it then I would hold that over her as her not having tried to fix our marriage. I guess at this point, I do pretty much feel that way, so her not going to Retro would not really change my feelings. If she did go though, I would feel much better knowing that she / we had tried.

While falling in love with someone new is a lot of fun, sometimes it is easier to get the kind of marriage you want by fixing the one you have. At least you are not surprised when you unwrap the package.

There you go with the present analogy again. She's gonna be pissed if she reads this.

They hate it when you catch them in a lie, don't they? Actually I read somewhere that wasn't a good thing to do! But I've done it myself. I guess we all want to know if there is any chance they can be honest with us again.

Yeah, probably not the best strategy on my part and it sucked to hear her directly lie to me. It's one thing to keep things secret or to just omit some details but it hurt to hear her tell me with such a straight face what I knew was a lie. Personally, I suck at trying to get away with lies. My expression always gives me away.

Busted!!! Well, we might be clingy and needy, but we don't have affairs and lie to our spouses.

Yes, we're a terrible bunch.

hope, please don't stop posting. Hope the meditation went well.

I don't plan on stopping. She asked last night if I had changed my account on here again, but did say that she didn't want to look at it anymore.