Still trying - Not very well

[LoginName]

I like the idea of choice. It puts us in control, and also makes us responsible. We can only control and be responsible for ourselves though.

Maybe our spouses have made the choice to work on it, but at a deep level. On the surface,they say they are waiting to Feel in love, but the fact that they are here, going to retrouvaille, and MC, talking in any fashion, means they have chosen to work on it. Then, given time, and the fact that they have chosen to put us in their heads (see Sara's post about retrouvaille ) they will FEEL in love with us because they have, actually, chosen to love us.

Thanks. Interesting stuff.

[limbo]

We had our last post session on the weekend, again they really know how to end it off with a bang! I wount go into details, because I don't want to ruin the experiance for others who are going through it or about to! All I can say it was moving, and again gives you hope!
The one thing that shocked me, they asked us what we would be intresting in helping with, being presenters for future weekend, admin stuff, greeters at weekends...I figured H may do greeter, but he took the paper and signed up for alot, including presenters, which isn't something I had expected him to do, not in a million years.
He also said he would be willing to tell our story at core! So this to me is huge...although I don't think we would be ready to be presenters for sometime, but it is something to work towards!

[limbo]

We dialogued again last night, which went well. After I thanked H for signing up for the stuff with retro, and told him it had suprised me.
He said that he know what hurt and pain he has caused, and feels that we were sent to the this weekend by someone, something...its something we have both felt, there have been alot of things to make us think that, even down to Saturday, we had to be at the church we were married in the morning for a tour of the church with our S7, and we both thought how this was something, to be there, and it being our last day of retro.
H also said that he feels that if we can help another couple then its something, he feels it is something we should do...he said in away its his penance, that God has said I will forgive you, but you have to do this, but he doesn't see doing it as a punishment...this really blew me away.
He also said he is going to take his retro book with him when he sees IC and talk to her about him writing his story.
So I am hoping that we have now really turned the corner for good, and that we truly now are ont he road to being a happier couple.

[Heartbroken]

This is awesome!! What a day of positives!!! Keep up the good work!

HB

[Sara]

Limbo,

It is wonderful that he is so motivated to become a presenter. When we had trouble at the forgiveness and commitment stage I called one of the presenting couples and asked how they got past it. She told me that writing their stories really helped. I do think there is a specific format for writing the story. You might want to get that to help your husband with the writing.

[limbo]

Thank you both!

We are given a workbook which have the information for writing it.
I did tell H that we will probably have to wait to be presenters, which I think is a good thing, we need to make sure we are really solid first! But I think we are on our way.
We will share our story at core first, but we will take that slow too! See what happens when we go to our first which is next week.

[saffie]

I have just been reading your thread and catching up and it made me cry limbo.

Your H sounds like he is really trying with this and committing himself to the process. WOW

I read much earlier on the thread LN , (I think it was), say that they had got an apology and that by itself it didn't mean much. I just want to say that my H apologised a year down the line for all the pain he had caused by his A and it really did help. We both did things to bring our M to the point that caused him to have an A, but for him to acknowledge that the A was so wrong and just caused MORE hurt was fantastic. These things have a time and a place for them to be said and have meaning. He had already shown me by his actions that he was sorry but the words just were the icing on the cake.

Think you may need to change your thread name

Saffie

[LoginName]

Limbo,this is facinating, and wonderful. It sounds very right. I think Retro is definitely something to look into.

I personally love your H's idea that he has to make amends but that he doesn't feel it's a punishment. That sounds so healthy.

I'm really happy for you both and wish continued joy for you.

Saffie, I think you're right. Maybe my W's apology wasn't given at the right time for me. Maybe later it will mean more, as mine will to her.

[limbo]

You are both so right....
For the first time in along time, I feel calm, I feel that I don't have to be paniced, and I don't have the little niggle in the back of my head telling me to be careful!
So I am focusing on that, and not letting the negative voice come back into my head!

Retro is a wonderful thing, and I think anyone who can should do it...it is very meaningful and it is done so well! I will be an advocate for this program no matter what happens!

[limbo]

Just checking in, we are still moving along, no bumps lately!
H had his 2nd C session yesterday, and he said that he is glad he went, right now I think they are playing catch up, going over everything that has happened to him since he last went. He said next week will be when they move into some problems solving, or the C giving him some feedback, I think he is a bit nervous about that..and to be honest I am too.
I always have this fear that she will tell him that all of this is because he doesn't want to be here, and when she tells him he will say your right, i never thought of it that way! I know paranoid!

On a good note, H has arranged for us to go out tonight, he arranged everything! so it will be nice, and then tomorrow night its his xmas party for work, its a formal due, so will be getting all dolled up!!

Hope you all have a great weekend!!