Welcome to the hotel California

[Dr LOve]

Where do you want poulticing honey - or do I need to ask

Saffie

Hey Saffie,

It is really interesting not going through live on automatic. Last night after I wrote you I was sitting at my computer and W was making son take a shower (for once) and she came in and asked me if the electric tooth brush was ever going to make it back into our bathroom.
Side note:
I took the toothbrush and a spare head and was trying to see if I could get into a vent on the computer to get some dust out and forgot to put it back.

So here was the conversation

W- Is the electric tooth brush ever going to make it back to the bathroom?
Me- Ya I forgot it its right here. Doesn't Anthony have his own electric tooth brush in his bathroom?
W- Ya but he uses that one and I do sometimes too. (When I bought it back in the days when I asked permission to buy things she said goes ahead I won't use it.)
Me- <not saying anything>
W- Oh what ever.... (This is what W says when she does not want to talk about something)
Me- It's right here... What's the big deal? < My voice a little raised>

W then came over and got the brush and took it to the bathroom.
So now I am sitting there and I thought I should not have "snapped" back at her so I went into the living room where W was sitting to tell her I was sorry. But.... W was on phone talking to her sister about us going to their old house and things about the house so I sat there thinking. W did not seem bothered about my reaction. So I was thinking why am I going to apologize? And I thought and thought and then realized that in a normal situation in a caring partner ship this would be the right thing to do. But..... I am not in a "normal" relation ship and there is a power struggle going on. I have given up all control over to my W and this is not a healthy thing. So I stayed until W was off the phone. We had some little chit chat and everything seemed fine.
So my point is I should not have snapped back at her but then again I can't always be a wimp. I need to be a little hard to get along with so she can back down once in a while. I NEED TO GAIN BACK SOME RESPECT.
After all I am not saying she should be afraid of me but if she thought about me getting angry if she had an affair instead of
"Oh Manuel is a wimp, I won't have nothing to fear if he finds out" maybe it would not have happened.
Do you understand what I am trying to say? I don't want her to fear me but to just realize that Manuel will not just bend over and say "thank you can I have another"
Every action is ok as long as you are prepared to pay the consequences....If you don't have any consequences you are afraid of nothing.....

Husband