NikkiB #22 (almost separated)

[NikB]

Thanks all for your posts! I will reply more later, I got wrapped up in trying to help out a newcomer rather than posting here during my "board time" this afternoon - but wanted to at least thank everyone!

I will have an update soon... boy have the tables turned at home in terms of H's actions/attitude. It's all good and I'm not getting sucked in to anything.. but it's sure interesting to see.

[SDFoundGirl]

You're killing me, LOL! Been waiting for an update all day...*sigh*. I know it's good stuff...I recognize detachment when I see it!

SD

[NikB]

Hey everyone,

I started to work on uploading pictures and realized how much *I* eagerly anticipate people's updates, so I figured I'd do that first!

First quick replies to everyone - as always thank you for posting!

mkultra
I hope you do decide to join us, it's going to be fun! And yeah, definitely reclaim it for yourself.

Ooh feng shui sounds like an excellent idea! On the curtains - I'm sorry, I know what you mean. I'm actually very happy to have my OWN little "tool kit" now so I don't even have to dig through "his" stuff. Hope it went well (will try and check in on you shortly to see).

f21
Thanks so much! I was actually VERY shocked to hear the ILY. It was probably the one reaction scenario that I DIDN'T think about. I agree on the distance, but I still had no clue it'd be THAT dramatic of a change in his behavior (more in a minute).

On the move to the room - well, there's kinda two things holding me up right now. One is that there's nowhere to put my clothes until I finish painting and install the closet. Meaning, I'd have to go into our room every day to get clothes and stuff. Which may not be that big a deal.. but I kind of want to make it a "clean break" if that makes sense.

And the second is purely emotional, I'm really anxious about the whole thing. I feel it's the right thing, I KNOW I need to do it, but some small part of me is completely freaked out by it as well. I imagine it's a smaller scale but somewhat how the WAS feels on "moving day"... OMG am I doing the right thing here? You know?

I am actually OK with however H reacts - but thank you for the offer! His reaction so far has been totally different from what I expected and actually far EASIER to deal with (I expected anger, resentment, something like that.. instead it's been affection, closeness, that kinda thing). But the great part is I'm not getting sucked in - I surprised myself, on that one. I enjoyed the ILY but I didn't re-org my life or plans around it.

LL
Thank you! Wow.. I knew that what you posted made sense at the time, but now that I'm mentally there it makes even more sense. Thank you for reposting it.

ST
I know, can you believe that?? Yeah he definitely wasn't tired - hungover possibly, but not tired.

Agreed, I need to set myself a new "move date" - I'm thinking this weekend. I'm hoping that gives me enough time to paint and put up the closet without missing out on a few GAL things I have planned with new friends. As f21 mentions I could really sleep in there sooner... but at very least I need to give myself a deadline. Also totally agree I need to set a certain time period that I'm there as a minimum - great idea!

I think that's an EXCELLENT idea to say I'd like to "date" for awhile (if he reacts that way, I'm guessing he will although not quite yet.. more in a mintue). I agree, I'm having fun too.

The meat dish - Steak au Poivre - basically it's a pan seared steak with this totally fancy sauce on it. I didn't see the entire preparation so not 100% sure but I know it had cream in it, several types of peppercorns, and to "finish" it she put in 1/4 cup cognac and set it on fire. Fun!! Any dish that you get to set it on fire before you eat it.. well, that's just plain cool.

Good idea on the paint mixing, thanks! I was going to just dump them together and see what I came up with but your way sounds much more scientific (and likelier to come out w/a color I like).

Agreed on the detachment and balance - I think I have a much better shot at it now that I "get" the detachment thing (at least, I think so!).

Agent99
Oh I understand totally, believe me. I was the "manic" about it when H came back after our last brief separation. Learned my lesson, I think.

SD
Aw thank you!! The song "party like a rockstar" just popped into my head.. .

THANKS for the reminder about the detachment. You're absolutely right. I don't think I've felt like this in many, many years.. maybe the first year of dating my H. Gotta keep it up. I'm glad you are feeling better!! Boy it's so important to keep up those GAL things just for us. Amazing how easy it is to let that slip.

Sorry to leave you hanging!!

Donna
Thank you!! Uh yeah, he has figured it out... the conversation was hilarious. Will post it shortly.

-------------------------------------------

Okay so time for the update!

I went to the baby shower yesterday.. was sooo boring (somehow I got invited to the "friends of Mom" shower instead of the "young people" shower... it was good to see my friend but I felt really out of place). I got home and H had gotten out of his class early. Soon as I got out of the car he asked how the shower was, gave me a hug and kiss. Even him knowing or remembering my plans these days is surprising (he only even knew because he grilled me about the shower gift).

Next part of this needs some quick background - the bathroom attached to my room is also pretty much the "garage bathroom" - between the garage and the bathroom there's hardwood floor and then that dark carpet and then the bathroom. The other bathroom they have to walk on very light carpet, so the guys all (currently) use "my" bathroom. That will change shortly.

So anyway... H and his friend were out in the garage working on stuff, and I kid you not H was peeing like every 5 minutes!! He would go in, use the bathroom, walk back out to the garage and give me this totally funny look.. kind of a cross between confused and "who's gonna break and talk about this first." I wasn't saying a word. He wants to know, he can ask!

His friend left, and H came inside. Here was our convo:

H: So... it kinda looks like someone's moving in? [while pointing at the room]
Me: Maybe.
H: It looks really nice.
Me: Thanks! I think it looks great. The dog totally loves the sofa too.
H: I saw that. [I thought he meant he saw her laying on it - nope, he snooped and saw the photos - more on that shortly]
H: It's a futon right?
Me: Yep.
H: So... a plumber, you paid a plumber? To fix the shower?
Me: Yep.
H: I could have done that or showed you how.
Me: I know.
H: Oh.. well.. it was probably expensive wasn't it?
Me: Nah it was fine.
H: Oh.
H: And he did the sink stopper too? Did he have that on his truck, or...?
Me: No I found the old one under the sink and cleaned it up.
H: Everything looks really nice. I remember you wanted to re-do the game room, I should have encouraged you. This looks so nice.
Me: Thanks!
H at this point is staring at me with the most confused look on his face. I'm smiling politely and proud of my room.
H: You did the toilet too?
Me: Yeah, I was so excited, did that part myself.
H: Wow really?? I wish I had known, I was telling [friend's name] how you did all this yourself and I would have totally bragged about you re-doing the toilet, that's a hard job!
Me: Thanks, it was pretty fun.
H: [noticing some broken tiles] I'm off tomorrow, I could glue these back on.
Me: It's ok really, I'll take care of it.
H: Well, I'm off... [trailing off and then into the next topic]

I ALMOST told him about my move plans at this point but I didn't... I probably should have but I think I was enjoying the mental gymnastics a little bit too much.

H: So.. what's wrong with the laundry room hook up?
Me: Uh, what? What do you mean?
H: You know. What's wrong with the laundry room?
[at this point I realized he had done some snooping and had found the plumber's inspection sheet... which was not in an obvious place to look]
Me: Oh! You saw the report. Well, it's this...
[and I basically went through the house and showed him all the stuff from the report - he kept asking about each thing, so I walked him through it all]
H: That plumber was pretty smart huh?
Me: Yeah he was great. I couldn't believe how knowledgable he was for being so young. [I had to say it.. ]
H: Oh he was young?
Me: Yeah, my age or younger for sure, probably mid to late 20s.
H: Oh. Wow. Well, maybe he remembers everything from school.
Me: Maybe - he was really good.

Got into other small talk at this point, nothing major... but I thought the whole thing was just funny!!

The only time I initiated much instead of just answering questions was to ask how H knew about the toilet - because I was thinking how the heck did he notice THAT?

Me: So I just hafta know, how did you realize I did the toilet?
H: You took pictures.

So... he not only snooped and got the receipts / inspection report, he also went through my memory cards and found the photos I planned to share here. The receipts weren't in an obvious place, and the memory card was out of the camera sitting on the desk in preparation to transfer files - he had to REALLY look for this stuff.

It feels so good to be the "snoop-ee" instead of the "snoop-er"

This morning H was up before me and asking all about what I had going on at work today, hoped I had a great day, telling me all his plans for the day.

And then the icing on the cake... he called me at work today. Some back story is needed here. One of the first mutual hobbies we shared has been boating - in fact the boat was our first purchase together. We used to go ALL the time. Every weekend at least, often after work once or twice too. Well, somehow during one of our bomb convos, the history rewrite was that H didn't ever like going, he just went to "make you happy." [this is BS.. he went with friends often too, without me!]. So.. July 4 this year we took the boat out for the only time this summer. The motor blew up. The outdrive is also bad. And the thing is really old so it's impossible to find parts for. So, basically I thought our boating days were over and I was pretty upset about it. H had made some kind of icky comments about the boat now being worthless, might's well trash or donate it, etc. We haven't even TALKED about the boat in a month or more.

So today... H calls me all excited. His voicemail starts off "Hey babe!"... and he proceeds to tell me that he found a guy who knows about repairing those boats, he thinks we can get the boat fixed for less than $500, and he wanted to tell me because he knew I'd be so happy to hear it. I called him back and he was still super excited about it. Woah... THAT was totally out of left field.

Don't worry - again, not getting sucked in, still feeling very detached. Just observations... but talk about the opposite reaction of what I thought would likely happen!

Gonna work on uploading those pictures now so you can all see how my room's shaping up...

[NikB]

Here we go.. hopefully this works!
Nikki's room / sanctuary

And then hit "View Slideshow" on the upper right (no need to log in).

It's a work in progress.. but looking really great, I think.

I just love the palm tree throw pillow and the bathroom accessory set.. love the rest of the stuff too, but those two things make me smile every time I see them.

[forever21]

That's some great stuff, girl... I mean "snoop-ee"! haha

Good work, Nikki!!!!

I too love your bathroom accessory set with the little hammock. And your palm tree pillow. Looking great! The greenish paint you're looking to put on your walls should be perfect.

And you did a really great job with the convos. I think it was good you didn't bring up your move then. You get to say when and how that goes. And what you're doing right now is working.

That's pretty funny he is snooping on you. lol. You could have some fun with this situation... so I'll say no more cuz I could be a bad influence.

Stay focused on your goals, what you want, and keep up your GALing.

You're doing AWESOME!!!!

[NikB]

Aw thanks f21! I think that's part of why I didn't say anything actually, I wanted to be in control of SOMETHING finally.

Glad you liked the hammock, I swear that's my favorite thing in the house right now.. who knew $12 could buy so many smiles??

Oh yeah, I know on the snooping.. believe me, the temptation is there!! I'm being good and stayin' detached though. Thanks again!! (((f21))

[Reincarnated]

Nikki--
I LOVE your room :0)

And that is wonderful on the results that it is getting....

[saffie]

WOW Nikki - Can't think of anything more to say. Love the room too. I think you are starting to make your H's brain ache!!!!!LOL

Saffie
Love your dog too!!

[care]

So impressed with you, the room, and surprised at the way that H is reacting.
Wonder when your H will cave in and ask you about it directly? Or do you think that you'll likely bring it up yourself?

[S.T. _I Made It!]

oh my gosh!!!! this is so great! and yes, make a goal to get in the room, and a goal to stay in. maybe make different goals as to where H is at... like 1. if H wants to work on the M I will stay (#) this long. 2. If H doesn't verbally say he wants to work on M I will stay (#) this long or until he does verbally say. 3. he never wants to work on it, I'll stay this long or move out.

I'm gonna check out the pics now, this is so fun! and yes, make sure you keep your mind where it is now, you are doing sooooo good!