I have to agree with the point Dom is making, to this degree: "I can't" is OFTEN shorthand for "I don't want to" or "The benefits of action A do not outweigh the deficits for me at this time."
This may seem like semantics and therefore unimportant. But I think there are powerful unspoken messages associated with these different ways of expressing oneself. "I can't" carries an implication of helplessness/victimhood. Whereas "I don't want to" or some form of "It's not worth it to me" acknowledge the fact that choice is involved, which may lead to uncomfortable inquiries into issues of selfishness.
These differing ways of framing a response to (in this case) a mate's needs/desires can affect even how the speaker views the matter. If we believe our own "I can't", it frees us from the frightening prospect of even beginning to pursue the possiblity of change, let alone the desirability. It's always good to recognize when a choice is being made. IMHO.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
