Glad you're back safe and sound. I know the death of a loved one can put us in a different state of mind, hence your ILY to W.
I'm with OT, though. W has never felt you've given her the space she needs/wants, despite your best efforts. The physical space, she's got, but not the emotional space.
I know you'd like real answers as to what her fears are, etc, but this isn't the time. It may never come, but asking her now would be pushing that time, if it's to come, further into the distance.
Let her go, Heim. She has to be the one to make a move back toward you, and she's not doing that right now. Her response to your ILY, as OT said, shows that.
Heim, when I flew out to visit my dad a while ago I felt the need to say ILY to H, since I always have the feeling when I'm flying, I may not come back. He said, "I love you, too." It didn't mean he wanted to work on anything; it was just an acknowledgment that we have a bond that transcends all this R stuff. Your W can't acknowledge that with you right now. Not the time to talk. (As it wasn't for us.)
Death puts us in a different place. Give yourself some time to come to grips with this. Seeing your sitch in the big picture is useful, I think, for you personally. Try to see far enough that you see what would be useful for your R (as it is now) and what would hurt. Take the long view---no lunches and R talk in your near future.
