Thanks for the post! You have such insight to my sitch and I truly appreciate your responding to my thread.
I really am not a bitter person to begin with so it has been easy to remain pretty upbeat. I see myself going forward and XH struggling with remaining in the present.
For two years, I was miserable and did nothing but try to analyze my sitch and why it didn't work. Well, I got sick and tired of trying to figure it all out as it didn't matter, it was was it was. (or is what it is) That is when I decided that it was full steam ahead.
My XH sort of watched on the sidelines when I was done with trying to revamp our R. It was not for me to change as I did the best I could with what I had as far as contributing to my M. And, it wasn't good enough. So, that was that. I put all my energy into school.
I do miss being married and believe it or not, we did have some great years. I realize that I had needs that weren't being met and I believe XH new that. However, XH knew that I would never, ever leave my M and would remain standing. I do remember many times him saying to me that I had settled. He used to say to me that he didn't have the emotional capacity to support a good M. He knew I needed an emotional partner. And, he was right..
In the end, I believe it all was fate. I do like him better now that we are divorced, believe it or not. I guess I can protect myself from being hurt since we are no longer in an M. I also believe I am more accepting of him from all the crap that we have been through. I see him as a survivor. I see myself as a survivor, too.
The seesaw is normal with all the emotional healing we are going through. WE lived with each other for 13 years and now we are to go backwards and act like friends. I think it is harder for him as I was forced to move on and he was the one that was left to deal with the mistakes he CHOSE to make.
Anyway, thanks for thinking of my Angelica..Keep posting..your words of wisdom are very much appreciated!! p.s. How are YOU doing???
W8ing!! I do keep up with you sitch and I apologize for not posting. I am a lurker but do love reading yoru posts. You crack me up and are keep things so grounded..Thanks for reading about my saga..I try to find humor in everything so it makes the pain less bareable!!
Lissie!! My NJ buddy!! - It sho' is getting cold here in the Garden State..brr..I am so glad you stopped by and your warm wishes are so kindly appreciated...I keep posting so people like yourself, can read and say, "yes, that sounds like MY STBX, too!" so you feel less alone and now that yes, you too, will survive..I was a MESS a few years ago and I am happy to say that things are better than EVER now in my life, and I mean that.
Never in a million years would I think I would be teaching at a college level a year after my divorce. My DREAM JOB! So, dreams do come true..
Have to run..heard New Guy open the front door..
Chicken parm in the oven and cozy mealtime conversation waiting to be had..
