I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma. Glad you got to be with her and that it was reasonably peaceful for her.
As for your sitch, I don't really think any parsing is necessary to see where W is. No need to drive yourself crazy. This says it all:
"5. I did tell her last Wed, "I love you". After all of this shyte we've been through, it was something I needed to say after watching someone I loved just die. She just said "I know you do."
There is no R to have an R-talk about right now. Really. Just leave her be. I understand your need to tell her that you love her. But leave it at that. She knows. She knows what you want. If she wants to share anything or work on anything with you, she knows that you will be receptive. There is no point in crowding her with R talk that will lead nowhere except her moving farther away and taking a firmer stand in her own mind (where it counts) against any thoughts of reconcilliation.
Respect her wishes. She does not want to be in an M with you or work on an R with you right now. THAT is all you need to know. The backstory is irrelevant unless she wants to go back to the M.
You don't need to explain the flowers thing to W. W was prickly because she was confronted with results of her choices. That's ok.
Put your focus back on you. I know it is hard at times like this when a loss makes you feel the love for others so much more keenly.
