Plank removed from eye, too late for WAW? 8

[Heimlich]

My last thread

Egads, numero 8. The previous installmenet in the saga is at the above link.

Back from Louisiana (Sulphur to be exact) to visit with my Mawmaw. She ended up passing at 10:30 Wed morning. Very glad I went down there and got to visit with her through Tuesday and be with her at the end. She really was a remarkable lady and I'll miss her. We should all be as lucky when we go. She was talking/visiting with folks Wed morning until she ran everyone out of her room around 8 so that she could rest. She was ready to go.

Her passing brought up a variety of unexpected emotions within me that I'm still trying to sort through. In brief, I just don't have the energy to type a lot at the moment:
1. My W and I batted around the idea of moving closer to be with our family. I've always been against that. Regretting/rethinking that stance now. A little awkward, I think that I'd be willing to move down together, but not separately -- like that makes logical sense.
2. While I'm still prepared to move on with my life (and continue to live/make decisions based on that assumption), I really would like to reconcile with my W.
3. I'd really like to ask my W out on a date/for lunch and have a conversation with her about why she doesn't want to try/what her fears are. I've never gotten a clear understanding of why she's not interested.
4. On Thursday, my W called and wanted to send flowers. I gave her the details and then she asked me what I wanted on the card. I was a little taken aback, so I just said that the card was from you and the girls and I didn't know what to put on it - it's from you. She seemed to get a little snippy/put off by that and hung up soon after. Part of me wants to tell her that I wasn't trying to be a pain in the buttocks, but that we aren't together and that having flowers from 'us' made me uncomfortable. Of course, if she wants to change that situation, I'm open -- I'd leave off that last bit, of course. Don't know if it's worth bringing up or just letting it drop.
5. I did tell her last Wed, "I love you". After all of this shyte we've been through, it was something I needed to say after watching someone I loved just die. She just said "I know you do."


That's about it. We did have an email exchange week before last that I may post so that we can parse some of the language.

Hug your loved ones today,

BD