Well, my thought was, I should learn to be better at expressing my appreciation...regardless of who. xh gets caught in that loop. ;\) I'm not doing it as a means to 'convince' him to come back...merely identifying another area of myself I would like to work on.

The other thing I was thinking...xh offers to validate my feelings, as well as asks if I am okay, off and on. I wonder if I may be putting up some barriers there.

There's another reason I say that. I can recall, early in my pregnancy, before the crazy switch got flipped...xh and I were cuddling on the couch. I can't recall exactly what I was doing, but I do recall xh saying: "Wow, I finally got my [my name] back." That comment has still stuck with me. I remember at that point, I had finally felt totally healed from his A.

JD is incidental. I know that. The real question is...what is acceptable to me in how I act? What is the right set of boundaries for me? On the one hand, it feels really, really right to pursue this with xh. Regardless of her. But we are not married...that was always my justification before. That he was my husband, and anyone else was the interloper. Can I still make that same argument? I'm not ultra religious...so, for me, that approach doesn't work.

I think I'm tired today. I'm not expressing myself very well. \:\)

Or, maybe, it's because it's just this vague feeling there's something there I need to pay attention to...and I'm not even completely sure of what it is. One thing I have learned, over the years, is to trust my gut. It's usually right. And my gut says there's something there that I'm missing about myself. ;\)

Azhira

my confusion