If you read back a few pages, you'll see that I recently had a very frisky encounter with a 19 yr old from my Lindy Hop dance nights. I've pulled way back from her, and she seems to be okay with that. We haven't talked about it, so it looks like having it just be a fling is okay. We've been friendly and chatted since then, so I think we're good.
Made me feel pretty young and good about myself though if you know what I mean!
Sounds like you're right on track, noting W's distance but not worrying too much about what it might mean (you're not, right?). Who knows? She could've had a fight with OM, she could've had a sexy dream about you and felt awkward.
Great game plan for D's bday party (happy birthday, girl!). Good to know it's a possibility he might be there. Considering how you handled the unexpected first encounter, I think you'll be golden.
I'm so glad to hear things are okay with the 19-year-old. That could've been so ugly. Great that it hasn't affected your dancin'!
Sounds like you're right on track, noting W's distance but not worrying too much about what it might mean (you're not, right?).
What's to worry about? It just shows more of the same, so it definitely doesn't give me pause to consider anything different than she's detached from me.
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Who knows? She could've had a fight with OM, she could've had a sexy dream about you and felt awkward.
Well, I WASN'T worrying or thinking about it... thanks a lot! jk
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Good to know it's a possibility he might be there. Considering how you handled the unexpected first encounter, I think you'll be golden.
She never mentioned anything about it, but since she brought him to D4's first dance recital back in May, as well as S5's b-day party in June, I have no reason to believe she wouldn't bring him to D4's party. And yeah, much more accepting of their R now so this should go much smoother in that I will actually look him in the eye, talk with him, etc. All part of the healing process, but it wouldn't have been healthy trying to do it while I still had divorce anger/issues to deal with and work through.
GD Sorry I missed that! AHA! Now the Amanda comment makes perfect sense, bring on Hilary too!
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
didn't find them -- did you email them to me? I'm not a member of Myspace, so I don't know what all I have access too either.
Journaling,
D4 had her B-day party Saturday at a place called Monkey Dooz, and she and her friends had a blast! They got their hair done, nails painted, make-up put on, played dress up, drank foo-foo drinks, etc. They were all so cute, and it was so much fun to watch! I took lots of pictures, and eventually wore out the battery.
W didn't bring her BF, so that elephant wasn't in the room (though I would've been okay with it -- more awkward for W and him, I think). W was just "there" -- didn't talk with her sisters or stepmom hardly at all. She did help run the cake eating and present opening, but I handled most everything else, like parent-welcoming and activity organization. I didn't talk with W unless it was necessary, and she reciprocated this behavior. A lot of emotional distance from both of us, I think.
Toward the end of the party, W seemed to be getting restless and impatient, and when we all packed up and left, W helped get the kids in my truck, quickly told them goodbye and said that she "had to go," like she had something else she needed to get to. I was disappointed in her for this, because it was D4's b-day, and W shouldn't have made plans that interferred with D4's special day. I ignored it, though, and we said goodbye to each other and parted ways.
I've felt like I've let go a few times since DBing, but over the last few weeks I've actually come to KNOW that I'm there. I'm honestly to the point where if W did want to come back, I'm really not sure if I would take her back (and I truly feel this way now). We've been separated for over a year now, and our D will be final Dec 7th. I've made many changes that were necessary, and I'm very proud of that. I've also come to realize that W is a very emotionally distant person and always has been, and as a result I'm not sure if I really want her back. I want someone who is able to communicate their feelings; someone who is nurturing and family-oriented; someone who is responsible; etc. My W does not have these qualities, and the more I question my reasons for wanting her back, the more I realize that they honestly aren't reasons that justify the attempt. Until she is able to reflect and make changes in herself, I don't want her back anymore.
Also, there has been so much distant created between us over the last year, I don't know how we could come back together. I don't feel close to her at all anymore. I feel like we are acquaintances and nothing more. If I so choose, I can/will find someone that can fill my love tank and keep it full. I will be patient, and let it happen if it is to happen. I will not force it, put on blinders, etc. In the meantime, I will do for me and my kids, and I'm finally okay with that. I now know with all my heart that life does go on, and that it will go on happily. Time heals the wounds, and though I know that my wounds aren't completely healed, they're very much on their way and I will be just fine!
Just emailed you how to access them at your hotmail account. Even though you aren't a myspace member...you should be able to find them and view the pics!! You just can't comment or leave me a message!! You should join myspace...great way to meet people!!
later, christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
Texted back and forth Friday night and Sat morning with a woman from my Lindy Hop dance night and dance team (no, she's not 19 -- she's 31! ). We dance quite a bit together and traveled to a Seattle Lindy event in August together too. We have a lot in common -- opinions on religion, politics, education, etc. She's been through a D too (about 5 yrs ago), and though she has no kids, she knows how it feels (they tried to reconcile but it didn't work out). Just light joking on the texts, but definitely some subtle flirting involved. She's growing on me...
I also had my good friend's cousin and her S2 over yesterday afternoon and evening for dinner. I've known her for years, and heard that she had asked about me a few weeks ago, so I decided to invite her over for a kids' "play-date." We had a good time hanging out and catching up with one another. Her boyfriend walked out on her almost immediately after their son was born, and has zero contact with her and their son. Not even there financially, which is pretty sad. Anyway, we talked a lot about how we've dealt with these transitions, and just enjoyed one another's company. While I cooked dinner, she played with all of the kids, and they all had lots of fun!
While we were all sitting down for dinner, my kids just HAD to ask her the very awkward question, "Are you going to marry my dad?" I turned a little red, and we both kind of laughed and said no. Kind of funny nonetheless though. It was the first time my kids have been around me and another woman since W left, and since W and BF are living together, I think they suspected that this woman is my new GF and that we're going to live together. They did like her a lot though, and they played well with her S2 (almost S3) too.
I thanked her for coming over, and we both agreed to continue to get together. No pressure, no expectations, and it was just nice to hang out, catch up, and get to know each other on a little more personal level. Since her family lives out of state and won't be here for Thanksgiving, I might ask her if she and S2 want to have it together, and maybe invite a few more of our friends that don't have plans.
So, I guess I'm more or less getting back into the single world and trying it on to see how it fits.
Maybe I should move to a new forum since my efforts to save my M are pretty much exhausted. I just don't want to give newbies and others the wrong impression and cause them to give up hope.
