I can identify with your worries about H just sweeping this under the rug--I feel my H has done much the same. Based on what you wrote though, I think your day-to-day efforts are the best way to go (versus putting it all out there on the table at once and potentially causing a big blow up). They seem to be improving the overall situation. Backslides and dips in the road are normal--we're all experiencing them often.
When it comes down to it, he has to come to terms with everything on his own, on his own schedule and to his own satisfaction. There isn't much you can do beyond putting in your effort to make things good and taking care of yourself when he's not available for you.
FWIW, I'm not satisfied with OK either, but it's a heck of a lot better than the purgatory I was in a year ago. And the potential is there for exceptional...we just have to take it a step at a time and try not to get ahead of ourselves.
