Help me thru this sitch

I am peachy.

Hopefully this is a good kind of peachy; not the spherical and slightly furry type

Well it was an interesting weekend. Friday night I was asked out to dinner by some friends so I went and it was a blast being around happy people. Then Saturday I helped my SIL with a wedding - food preparation, that was long and exhausting but again fun to be around happy people. Plus I dressed in a nice skirt and top(which I rarely do), so it was a 180 for me! Plus my H noticed and said I looked really nice, twice, then he poked my tummy playfully from a small gap in the shirt I had on...Hmmm...I felt really nice looking so that felt good too.

Wow, that's a busy weekend - Good for you! I'd say that H touching your tummy was a 'testing the waters' exercise for him. My W has done something similar a few times - Usually something small and meaningless, but stuff you'd not do to even your closest friend. I'm sure H appreciated you dressing up all fancy

From a guy's perspective, you usually don't poke a girl's tummy unless you want something

Then I went to watch my S ride his dirtbike on Sunday, H normally takes him but my S asked if I would go and watch him. Plus my H and I used to do this together all the time in our more sparkly days. So I basically tried to watch my son, and not talk with H much, but I had a good time. My H kept bringing up small talk and asked once if I was totally bored. I just shook my head no and smiled, then went to watch some other racers practice. Then at some point I was talking with another girl that was there, and he asked later if I was being a "pit mom" (which means all the women get together and chat about racing) lol. At another point I was walking back to our trailer and my H came off the track from practicing and proceeded to ride past me. But THEN he turned around on his bike and came back behind me and said"want a ride little girl?" all playful like, so I said "Sure, will you give me one" and laughed. Then I climbed on the back and he rode me back to the trailer. Gosh it felt good to hug him, lol. So it was a good day, we joked and had small talk when my son was out practicing. I joked and had fun with my S, while my H watched us being silly.

I've noticed that since my W has been more comfortable with physical contact, and even frequently initiating it, our relationship has improved a lot. Not sure which feeds which, but I guess it doesn't matter. My W for a long time didn't even want me to hug her, much less anything else.

I had thought my H was going out after he practiced with OW, because he had mentioed it earlier in the week. But after we got home, we went to the store, and then he just started fixing dinner...so he stayed HOME! I didn't question him at all about his other plans, I just absorbed it. Then after dinner we all watched a little hockey together, then I went and found something else to do for a while, I didn't want my husband to get suspicious of my motives for hanging out together too much. But then I called and talked to my mom about some other family issues we have going on, so I went and told him about that as he is interested. Plus he was also drinking a beer so he was in a friendlier mood, lol. (timing of the approach is everything right?) Then after we tucked my S into bed I started walking to my room to go to bed and I didn't look at my H, but he said loudly, "good night". He hadn't done that before. So I said good night.

It's great that he's wanting to spend time together - He must have had a lot of fun with you all during the day... I read somewhere that it's important to make each interaction positive so they'll want to come back for more.

He keeps waffling back and forth it seems about doing stuff on his own and then not. He mentioned friday that he had gotten his own bank acct. But then sunday he talked about not selling one of our cars he had been so adamant about before. And then as we were driving home at one point he noticed all the Xmas lights starting to come out and said how he thought we should start getting ours up...that surprised me. I get so confused! But these are small baby steps.

My W is the same - She wants independence, to a point, but she won't cut those last few strings. I have my own checking account, and W and I share another. I've lost track of how many times she's told me "Next week we'll go and take you off that other account" and it has never happened. Last weekend when we went out together she even joked that I had two different debit cards, even though they both could work on either account - No mention of turning it into her own account.

I say that you make the most of the positives, but don't change what you do because of them, and don't put pressure on H because you see that ray of hope. In a couple of days, he might not want anything to do with Christmas lights, so don't get discouraged if that happens.

Remember, actions speak louder than words. When he's out there with the lights, extension cords and is trying to untangle it all, that's when you get excited.

I also had mentioned to him that SIL had asked us over for Thanksgiving because she wanted me to bring some of my pies. Altho I thought I said it in a not so db way "I don't know what your plans are but SIL would like us to come over for Tgiving."

I find that funny - "I don't know what your plans are" is what my W tells me ALL THE TIME. Whenever we try to set a time for dinner together, go out with D or plan for the holidays, it's the same thing. Even this weekend when she was leaving she said to D "It's time to go so Daddy can do his thing", and later "Lets leave Daddy to do whatever it is that Daddy does". I'm not sure what she is expecting me to say - I'm honest with her about it, and sometimes even joke. To that last comment I just said "Daddy isn't doing anything special", and let it at that. Is she pursuing, digging for information, or trying to reassure herself that I'm not going off with other girls or something? Who the hell knows.

How is husband going to feel around SIL? He may be wary of going if it is going to make him feel uncomfortable, or like he's being forced into having a happy family gathering. It sounds like he's enjoying being with you, but if he declines Thanksgiving, it may not be personal. I wouldn't ask again for a while, since he knows Thanksgiving is coming up, and I'm sure he's probably not feeling too comfortable going with any of the possible options.