I have posted in bits and pieces about my sitch, but I wanted to start a thread b/c I feel the need to express things in a more ordered way and receive (I hope) some constructive advice from the other DBers.
Long story short, in early August 2007, I received the ILYBINILWY talk. I did all the wrong things (cried, pleaded, yelled), but I was truly in the dark as to the causes and depths of H's unhappiness (my lack of love in acts of service, especially things related to homemaking; his frustration with being underemployed and my role in that (he has had to defer his plans for me); and my controlling behavior (having to "overhelp" people, really taking over for them). I found the DR book and the Relationship Rescue book, and I read voraciously. The RR book especially helped me piece together MY contribution to the situation, and the DR book helped me stop destructive pursuing behaviors.
There have been up and down periods since then, with my H taking no steps to end things or go anywhere but also with him not going back on the INILWY speech. In the midst of all of this turmoil, I also suspect an EA, but he denies this in a way that really seems truthful, so....
In good news, at the beginning of October, he came off the fence to say he wants to work on things. We have gone out together, spent more quality time together as a family (three young children), and made plans for the future. We have even started to ML again. However, this past month also has included several moments of his general alien behavior. For no apparent reason, he becomes distant, irritable, etc... I have become obsessive about "signs": if he wears the ring or not one day, how he kisses me back when we say goodbye in the morning, if he leaves the cell phone out or not. I realize that this is not healthy, but I am having a very difficult time stopping this (and this surprises me b/c I gave up the snooping fairly easily and have not looked back).
My overall sense is that he has swept everything under the rug, and from time to time, he notices the big bulge but goes on. I do not believe this is a good approach, but I am reluctant to force the issue b/c things are ok. However, I am not satisfied with ok; I want exceptional, and I feel that the only way to get there is by laying it all out on the table. Are there any people who disagree? Is it possible for him to just get over this on his own???
