rysmom...I so well know the feeling...the secret apartment that you don't know about...the phone calls that you aren't supposed to know about...
All I can tell you is that he isn't over it/her (MLC/OW) yet....it takes time and it is best that you don't make statements like "if I ever caughter them talking or together it would be over."...I will tell you why...because he is going to talk and probably will see her...but it is all part of HIS issue/journey...
To my absolute suprise I found out that my H had made contact with his OW 9 months after he was home...nearly 2 years after they ended things!!!...to say I was shocked and hurt was an understatement...to read that he still professed his love for her...still felt she saved his life (uh, what about me and all the medical bills I got covered for his hospital stay and recovery??)...and still wanted to keep in touch by PHONE!...
Fortunately she declined the latter, phone contact...and I think he realized that he needed to just let it all go...I didn't know about all of this until recently...and looking back H still couldn't say he loved me...that came about 4 months after that contact with her...she mentioned that she had tried calling him at his office but he was never there (he does't own in anymore!)...so I know at some point she tried to contact him too...
I am not sure why he contacted her since he had come home to make our marriage work...he had recommitted to the kids and me...I think it was just an itch he had...to see if she would still respond to him...maybe he really just wanted to let her know he was okay and wanted to know about her...he did tell her he was back with me...that the divorce was still pending but that it had been put off several times...and she replied that she "always knew he would return" to me...
Rysmom...all I can say is there is probably still a lot more time you H needs to get through his crisis...try and understand that he really isn't dealing rationally...that he needs your compassion, patience, mercy, pity...he really is a mess inside...this isn't about you...although it feels very much about you...I focused on my kids...on me...being the best person I could...really worked on being patient and controling my tongue...in the end it worked...it was a long road...very long...and even after he came home I questioned my decision to take him back because things seemed even harder then...
So keep GAL...take up a craft or hobby...focus on you (get a massage or manicure once in a while) and yes, focus on son...do things that maybe you didn't do with him before...not sure where you are at but maybe a mini-vacation with just you and son to do things he enjoys...this will give you joy and help keep you two close...
