On another note, I have to share this with all of you.
Early this morning, I was reading from my daily devotional, Billy Graham's Hope, and today's entry was on the demise of the family in modern life. This was so very poignant given our situations. This passage asks us to consider that the reason for the break up of so many families, and for nearly all the ills we see, is that we place "self ahead of sacrifice".
That struck me so profoundly, that I nearly got up right at that second to get down on my knees to pray -- and then I caught the words following that... and they were asking me to do that very thing, to get down on my knees and pray to God and seek his forgiveness and to find the love needed to restore our family.
I proceeded directly to my knees at that point and was in tears. I know without a doubt that He was speaking directly to me through my readings. I prayed for a long time (and was late getting ready for work.)
But that is not all. As I was finishing my prayers, a thought struck me right out of the blue. My W is so insistent on a separation agreement (SA), because she has no trust in me (among so many other things.) But the thought that hit me was that maybe W needs (we need) not a Separation Agreement, but a Reconciliation Agreement.
Again, I was dumbfounded that this epiphany occurred so suddenly. I have to believe that God is trying to tell me something.
Now part of me realizes that with my W still selfishly involved in some form of A (PA or EA) with the OM, she is far, far away from having any interest in even a "level 1" reconciliation, and so all she wants right now is the separation and ultimately the divorce. She is not ready for this now, and she may never be.
But I am beginning to think that, given her MLC and her resulting A and the pursuit of the separation and the SA, W is seeking some guarantees out of life, for her peace and happiness -- for which there are never any guarantees. She says she cannot work on our relationship because she cannot/will not trust me -- so may be we could put my commitment into writing, spelling out what efforts and communications she and I will undertake to rebuild our family and to work on our relationship.
I know for myself and how I currently view written agreements with my W, given how she treats our marriage license and our vows before God, her signature is not worth the paper its written on. So for me, I would be entering this on an act of faith that God will hold her to her word. I don't need a piece of paper, but if that's what W needs, then so be it.
I am pondering this for now, and wondering what others here might think.
