ut it in zoo terms. I just got the whole 'zoo' thing, and now you are switching to banking, and I really hate math. Can't keep up.
I think I'm getting it... but. Help me.
LOL- How 'bout if I try to explain with anecdote rather than analogy.
First off, I should note that my sex life at the moment is semi-low frequency for reasons that have nothing to do with anybody's sex drive. GP and I both have full custody of adolescent children and we live about an hour and a half away from each other. Unless I happen to be in the metro area for other reasons, in order to spend time alone with him, I have to pretty much plan on playing hooky from my self-employment for an entire day which is not something I can afford to do too frequently given my current financial woes. Because, like most men, GP is used to dealing with relatively LDW, he never "pressures" me to be sexual when we get together in situations which are time/kid restricted. Also, I'm starting to understand that in his cultural milieu the female as social/sexual initiator is more status quo (basically African-American women raised in Detroit do not wait by the telephone for men to call them.)
Anyways, the practical limitations cause me to start getting a little bit of that old desperate feeling like I have to have sex when there is an opportunity or I will miss out. However, I hate that desperate feeling so much that I react against it and choose not to be sexual instead. For instance, I happened to be in the metro area one day last week and had a couple free hours between a book sale and a doctor's appointment so I called GP and went over to his house to hang out. He scored big "nice boyfriend" points because he had a pot of coffee made for me when I arrived (he doesn't drink it) and he had stocked up on more at the grocery just for me. As usual, he said pleasant things about my appearance and then he did an approach-from-behind-put-hands-on-waist- growl-at-neck thing as I was preparing my beverage which, of course, me being me, caused an immediate physical arousal reaction for me. But.. instead of doing whatever one little monkey thing I might have done to ramp up the action, I just spent the next couple hours having a pleasant conversation with him and I'm not sure why. However, I did have a semi-conscious thought along the lines of " I would rather have sex on Saturday then today." which would be a rational thought in a universe in which I knew I had to choose between sex on Saturday or Thursday but there is no evidence that I am dwelling in such a universe in my relationship with GP since pretty much all I need to do to get him aroused is play with the zipper on his jacket or something like that so I guess the question is am I still suffering from reactionary-psycho-fusion due to my long term SSM or am I just trying to find a new natural/functional sexual level for myself on a more "normal" playing field?
P.S.- On the whole "rushing me" issue, last night GP said that he was thinking that he would have to get married soon because he read that married men live longer. I deflected by saying that just having a pet could improve his life span.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
