Welcome to the hotel California

[Michael Mc C]

Ok I used up enough space

But you used the space effectively!

I have found that I, too, have had the approval seeking behavior. It's not everything I do but there are those certain tasks/jobs you do that you hope they'll notice. I liken it to when my kids clean their room without being told or anything else that they do and are looking for the praise. I don't think it's a bad thing at all, unless it's something that you look for with everything.

For instance, 2 weeks ago W mentioned she wanted sushi, just a passing comment. I ran out to the store a few hours later and passed the sushi joint. So I grabbed some. On my way to the store I started asking myself "why did you just do that?" Was it because I wanted her to see me as a giving, loving husband - hoping she would recognize what she might be giving up?

Nope. I realized that this is something I would do on any other day. It's love, damn it!!

I have stopped doing things like this though. As far as doing things around the house, I told myself 2 months ago that I'm no longer doing that to help HER. These are chores that need to be done and if she's going forward with the D, I had better be ready to pick up all of the jobs, not just the "manly" ones (no offense to anyone).

I think your list and your decision are both good ideas. If she wants something done, let her ask. There's no sense going out of your way to please her when you get no accolades for it. Of course, if these are things that the two of you have decided to share in the past, it could bring on some rough waters as it might appear that you're not pulling your own weight. Just something to keep in mind.