Today was a good day. I went to work in the morning. Left work and stopped at Wal-Mart to look for a bulletin board for my “office” the little corner of the family room (behind the bar). Thanks to Nikki B. who inspired me to make my own. Found this nice board with a nice frame (only $9.52) and went home and put it up. When Wife got up and came into the Family room and saw my “office” she said “Oh you got a bulletin board too. I didn’t want to spend that much money” I told her it only cost $9.50 “Oh really that was a good deal”. I think she sees me making my own space and does not know what to think about it. So anyway I went to my MIL house and scrubbed her washroom floor. I was trying to talk MIL into going to nieces but she kept on saying she was too tired. So I called W and told her That I was going to finish the washroom and dinning room floors and then stay there with MIL because I felt bad about going to the party and her staying there by herself. W was ok with that. W brought son over because he did not want to go to party so he stayed there with Grandma also. After about 2 hours we came home. After W left B-day party she went to MIL house and just got back now. Very talkative.
Ok what I learned today from my reading. It seems that I do have the “Nice Guy syndrome” I am just reading the book through once and then I am going back and read it again and do the 12 step program. I have a problem with “Approval Seeking Behavior” this involves things like cleaning the kitchen or washing dishes or doing laundry and then waiting for a pat on the back. Now it is not a bad thing to help out. My problem seems to be though that after I do something I act like a dog that just did a trick and am waiting for my reward. I have been doing this with out really thinking about it. But When I think back Every time I would do something I would go to W and say hey see the back yard? Or the kitchen look nice doesn’t it. Look What I did what do you think? I caught myself today. Now don’t get me wrong I do care and like helping others and I don’t always do it to impress W But today when I was scrubbing the floor I caught myself thinking. “I hope W comes by and sees what I did” When I realized what I was thinking I stopped thinking it and just wanted to get it done. If she notices it ok if she does not I did not do it for her anyway. So I am supposed to make a list of Approval seeking activities. Activities I do to get external validation and go on a moratorium from this behavior. My list: 1. Wash dishes 2. clean bathrooms 3. vacuum the house 4. wash her car 5. clean house 6. clean kitchen floor 7. clean family room 8. dust 9. wash clothes
So I am not going to do any of these unless she asks me to for the next month. Like I said it is ok to help each other out when in is shared. But when one party is doing it just to try to get attention (and not getting it) then something is wrong.
Ok I used up enough space
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
