Welcome to the boards. Although this is not a pleasant place to be, we are all friends and share a common bond.
First, let me compliment you on your complete and comprehensive first post. Many times, a first post is incomplete and scatter-brained, leaving much to the imagination. Well done. Also, don't concern yourself with spelling (particularly UK spelling such as "realised" and "recognised." We don't get picky when our other friends from across the pond (like Saffie) spell words wrong!! )
From what I can gather from your story, you are doing well. Keep up the good work. It sounds like you are detaching from the relationship.
The next step is to GAL - go do stuff, with and without the kids. Show your wife that you will thrive without her. Show her that you will be happy to leave her with this scum bag while things get better for you!!! And it isn't enough to pretend. You have to live it and believe it.
Keep up the good work. Whether she returns or not, you are well prepared for the next step in your life.
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