What is missing in my life is balance. I have yet to learn to wear different hats throughout the course of the day. I know I can't take my H for granted as I resurrect a career identity, and we are both going to watch out for that this time. He said he's going to come forward when he feels neglected, and I will try to remember to keep my relationship/sexual hat on.
RJ, you might have been describing my husband with the above. He is a software engineer and a gifted musician/composer, and historically, whenever he is wearing those hats, he finds it very difficult to shift out of that mode when it's time to pay attention to me (at first I wrote "spend time with me", but the time means little if only the body is present). We happened to just be talking about this today, in terms of some of the coping tactics he has developed, so I'll pass them along, FWIW.
One of the things he does is change clothes as soon as he gets home from work. He's become a bit of a clothes horse after 17 years with me, and has a nice collection of very comfy lush loungewear. The ritual of actually, physically changing "uniforms" seems to accomplish the mental task of "changing hats" very effectively for him. Also, he has found it very effective to take a shower when he comes home or whenever he feels the need to "shift gears" mentally.
Your mileage may vary. But I think getting creative with simple "rituals" might help.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
