Horrible, HOPEFUL Vulnerability

[the girl]

Hey all,
I have really been messing up. I feel like I am just about to blow this whole thing up.

I have come to the point Michele describes about how intense feelings surface once you have stuffed for so long, and gone so long without your own needs being met.

About three times over the past couple of weeks I have become so sexually frustrated that I have caused a huge fight. At night, in bed. One time I actually told him that I am seriously considering having an affair because I am so tired of refusing my needs.

It is like a giant meteor of a need. He does not want to do anything to fill it. He says he is soul searching and feels good about all the small steps of affection we have had. He actually told me I was ruining our progress with my behavior.

I feel like he has no desire to go out of his comfort zone to meet my needs. And I have spelled them out repeatedly. I am not a hard person to please. He just refuses me, habitually. It has been this way for 8 years, even when we were first dating.

Now I am having massive, unrelenting doubt about how and if I can go on. His selfishness is so deep.

I feel like an enormoous idiot for not being able to control myself.
The Girl