Sorry to 'meet' you here. This place is a life saver!!
Jen-Jam has given you great advice.
Now is not the time to pursue your H and it sounds like you won't find out from him just yet why this has happened. There could be many reasons and trying to guess what they are is futile.
What you can do though is work on YOU. You cannot control your H but you can try and control your actions. Try and make any interactions with your H as upbeat as possible. He knows you aren't happy that this has happened so you don't have to hammer that point home to him. Think about all the positive things he liked about you and your R and work on highlighting those things. I know it seems so unfair when this has hit you out of the blue that you are the one having to 'work' at it but it really can make a difference.
Also take time for yourself if you can. If there were things you liked to do before you were M'd and have stopped doing try doing some of them again.Have you got family close by or good friends that can give you some babysitting time so that you can have some 'you' time?
Keep posting and venting here. The more information you give the more people can help here. If your H down the line is willing to go to counselling then that is a good option as long as you can find a pro M counsellor. Personally I would warn you to stay away from Relate as they are very hit and miss and can sometimes do more harm than good.
How do you feel in yourself? Are you suffering frm depression or anxiety attacks? If so have you sought out medical help or spoken to your health visitor? How are the children coping with it? Are you Ok financially? There are places to go for advice if you need help with things like the financial arrangements.
If your 5yr old is at school it might be worth having a quiet word with their teacher, if you haven't already done so, so that they can keep an extra careful eye out. It is also a good idea from a child protection point of view. (I speak as an ex school governor).
Look forward to seeing you post again. You have come to the right place
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
