Husband...I can totally relate to alot of the "why's" you have stated about your W...now that my H is home (it was nearly 2 years with him away)...I can clearly see how depressed and unhappy he was...he really was in a panic...he didn't know which way to turn...unfortunately for us he turned the wrong way and went down that road to emotional distruction...yes, it included an OW for a time, financial ruin, and not taking care of himself physically...yes, he "looked" good but the emotional ills took it's toll along with the alcohol abuse that set in on him big time (this was like OW...something to kill the pain he was feeling inside)... People wanted to know how I could take him back after all the things he had done...well...he was hurting and while there was an obvious way of handling it to me it was not so obvious to him...all I can say is I felt compassion, pity, and mercy for him...I mean, he had been such a wonderful dad, husband, and friend for many years...what else could explain how a man could just one day up and walk out...leaving his kids, high school sweetheart (that's me), and ALL of his friends???...he literally left with the clothes on his back and his shaving kit...he didn't take family hierlooms, his guitars, his shoes, underwear...nothing but what he had on...and started a new life without any of us included...not even our 9 yr. old S... Your wife is obviously in crisis...
I am not real familiar with your situation so if you don't mind my asking...is your son your wife's child too? how old is he? and is he special needs?
I also like the way you have started to look at things...responses and the reasons for them...I agree that leading her to believe you are having an affair would sink you to her level...better to just tell her that you are going to get away for a few days and meeting up with some people you have befriended from a support group...playing games always means there is a winner and a loser...in life it is best if we can all eventually win...
Affairs are hard for the LBS...but I am now convinced that most are not easy on the WAS/MLC'er either...guilt is an evil bed fellow...worse it tends to stick to the very fiber of your being and infect you with such raw feelings that things from your childhood, things you thought you had dealt with...all of that "stuff" just comes bubbling up forcing you at some point to face reality...but the WAS/MLC'er avoid that for as long as they can...but when they hit bottom they usually reach out to the one who has always really and truly loved them...
I had to have my forgiveness ready for my H when he returned...he didn't feel worthy of it...was affraid to accept it...piecing was not as easy as I thought it would be either...I believe the whole process prepared me for his return...
I am rambling...but I hope you all understand what I am saying...
