A bit of morning journaling. Once again not a lot of sleep last night as thoughts about the situation dominated my mind. I did pretty well until the dog woke me up at 3. After that I couldn't go back to sleep the mind was on. Grr....
My wife will be back this afternoon and the girls and I will pick her up at the airport. We plan on having dinner together this evening with me cooking. A gesture on my part for sure but we seem to agree that we all enjoy the time together at dinner on Sundays.
She and I talked last night and she chatted away about her day in London. She went to see two shows and told me all about them and her day. I admit I love when she tells me all about her day, it speaks my love language of Quality Conversation which is a dialect of Quality Time. Interestingly her secondary language is QT as well.
I'm now reading the 5 languages of Apology and it's enlightening as well. I decided to put some of my learnings there into practice. I've been extremely enthusiastic this week about the job. She's been very supportive too. Combined I really got, without realizing it, a bit pushy about us mainly by being a bit to affectionate with words. Yes I dropped the ILY and even mentioned the future together. This I think pushed her a bit and it started to show.
So last night I acknowledged that I had gotten a bit too enthusiastic and apologize to her about it and how I figured it probably made her uncomfortable. She really appreciated the apology. I also thanked her for her support and encouragement this week with my interviews. Lastly I told her that I really felt we finally had gotten past a hurdle in trying to be friends again. I now feel like we are friends and I have my best friend back. She agreed and said it was nice to hear me say that.
She's still got a pretty good wall still up and I don't know if it'll ever come down. But I do know, the more positive I am the softer the mortar gets between those bricks. I plan on following a bit of kidsaver's lead and let go even further and be more and more independent. I've got a lease to sign on a great apartment and hope to move in within a couple of weeks. Just the thought of that kind of independence feels good!
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
