NCB - My W too seems to have been kidnapped and replaced by some evil alien. You hear this theme in the DR book and over and over on this forum. I've read and thought about that a lot and it seems probable that the spouses we knew are really still in there, but buried deep by the influence of the MLC and/or A. They are very powerful and destructive forces. The experienced MC experts write that time eventually allows that old core self to re-emerge. By that time though, they have often destroyed their families and all love that the LBS once had for them.
Regarding religion, my W is converting to Catholicism. She talks a lot about ethics, "taking the high road", and how often she goes to mass. Thinking back, she informed me of her desire to convert about a year and a half ago. Turns out the OM, whom she already knew through work even before then, is a devout Catholic. What a coincidence! The upshot here is it doesn't matter what religion the WAS embraces, they will twist it to justify and rationalize whatever they have to do to get what they want so badly.
These WAS also will lose all empathy for their LBS's and just about everyone else except their OP. They will say such incredibly cruel, callous and hurtful things, like your W saying that with you out of her life she is so much more at peace. Mine told me that with her OM she is now getting love and feeling so much lighter (now that she no longer has to live with me).
My W also was very judgmental before about people who had A's or got divorced (she even bought a little decorative rock for our backyard which was inscribed "Our marriage is forever." It seems to have gone missing). Now she rationalizes it like yours saying children are resilient and will not be harmed by D "as long as they are surrounded by love."
The conclusion is that the WAS's feelings of euphoria from the A and/or fear from the MLC drive all their thinking. They will therefore rewrite history and rearrange reality to support their feelings and reinforce their illusions.
There are no good answers here, except to take care of your kids and work hard at GAL.
LL
M 63 W 40 M 4/91 S14/D9 bomb 7/6/07 D filed 8/3/07 final 2/4/08 thread
