I don't know if reading your thread inspired me but after W set up her little "office" in D room that moved out I started thinking that I HAD NO ME space. So I have started moveing things around the way I WANT THEM in my (our) bedroom. (W sleeps in son's room, whole nother story). And re-did the "office" we once shared.
feels good puting something in YOUR house and not having to ask your spouse "what do your think? is it ok?"
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
had my one day a week off the computer... a new goal for myself. but now H is "needing' my help, so I can't finish your thread,
just wanted to say... DON:T tell H anything about the room. I think this is more fun. let him be confused as to what in the world your doing. just my O
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Hi Nikki, I wanted to swing by and say "Hi". Although I am sad you are here, I am grateful for all of your inspirational journaling. You are a very positive, moving forward type gal. Thanks for sharing.
You are truly in Limbo Land aren't you? Part of me feels like you are lucky that you get to spend time with your H, as if pretending to be married is still something like being married. Many more couples do this than we realize! For generations.
But sometimes I do feel happy to have physical separation and the ability to be dark to save me from the pain of my H's affair. However, I would prefer to have a faithful H at home even if we were "separated" in the home. There is so much more hope when couples are under one roof. It is like a commitment to the home and family to get through the rough patch. Stay well.
I do want to see you all. I am getting the nerve up to do new things and meet new people. Being married was like a safety cloak for me. I never went out or did anything. My H was my conduit to the outside world in a weird way. I feel like I woke up after ten years, walked outside, and it is a whole new weird world of texting, cell phones, online dating, hoochies, promiscuity, and gangsters.
But also a lot of good restaraunts and new bands!
Last edited by mkultra; 11/10/0706:53 PM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Hey, your thread is fun to read! I like that. meaning, your doing awesome.
that's funny that you've got a trunk stuffed with pillow!
I feel like this is deja vu again, both with me and for you! Just this time, don't let H into your life as easily as last time. Make him work for it this time.
I can't wait to see your little "dorm room". I bet it will look great. I'm glad you got that soap dish, that was really cute!
How was Target anyways? I always get online ads and it looks like they have a lot of neat decor items, but I've never gone in the store yet.
MKULTRA, I'm very glad to see you on here. not glad about your sitch, but when it is all over and you can look back, you will be amazed at how you've changed and what you've learned. You will come out of this a better person and you should be proud of what you are doing so far. Definitely keep getting out there, making friends, having fun, growing your spiritual walk with God, and improving your Rs with everyone.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Thanks all! This will be quick as I didn't even mean to post at all but got sidetracked. I got online to look up how to disconnect the water supply from the toilet. The toilet in my new room is kinda leaky but I didn't want to pay the plumber to fix it as I've seen those DIY kits and it looked easy. Uh... not so much. Actually it looks easy, I just can't get the [insert swear word here] water supply disconnected to save my life! Sticking with it though. Hopefully I can get it in time before I leave for dinner at my friend's place... don't really want to leave it all half assembled if I can help it.
Oh and my couch got delivered (miracle of miracles!) so I set it up with the pillows and stuff. It looks really nice!! My pillows and throw look great on it too. The dog has already claimed her spot. I took a very cute photo of her on it - in fact I don't have any pictures WITHOUT her on it, she likes it so much she won't get down! . I'm one of those softies who lets her sleep on the bed, so glad she likes it too.
Bathroom looks very cute, too. Well, it will, once there's not water and toilet parts all over the place.
Dave Thanks! Yeah, it really is nice to make things more "you" when you can. haha you should put up the flag..
Husband Thanks for stopping in. Yep, it sure does feel good!! My H has a lot of this house that's really "his" - it's nice to have a room that's all me. (or will be, soon).
ST Thanks!! Glad it was a fun read.. always nice when I'm having fun writing, too.
I haven't said much at all to H about the room and yeah, it has been kinda fun. The sofa/bed obviously will be the most dramatic change so far, I'm pretty sure he will ask about that one! I won't be home when he gets back from class though. I'd love to be a fly on the wall and see the look on his face. Yeah he's totally confused - and I say, GOOD! It's his turn for awhile. The guys who delivered the sofa were funny, the one I'd talked to previously said "Wow you weren't kidding, this IS a small room!" I told him that's why I was so adament about measuring it over and over in the store. The other delivery guy looked around and said "Is this the 'time out' room? Well wait no.. it's too nice.. it's like "zen time out room." Cracked me up.
Deja vu, no kidding. We're only about 2 months off from when I redid the master bedroom last year! My mindset is WAY different this time around though. It's probably where I 'should' have been last time but I wasn't there yet. Last time I was shell shocked and going through the motions and felt like I was just "waiting this out" until he came home. Now, it feels a lot more, I dunno, real.. and a LOT more like I'm thinking things through too, not just "please oh please come back." Last time I was fighting back tears, panic, etc. Now? I have barely cried... and no sense of panic. It's just different.
Target's cool.. it's hard for me to give a 'first impression' because we've had them around here forever, I remember doing Christmas shopping there when I was a kid even. If you've never been in one before you'll probably really enjoy it! I can browse in there for days. And most of the stuff is reasonably priced. I wouldn't buy furniture there or anything, but for stuff like throw pillows, candle holders, etc. I really like it. Reminds me of Walmart in terms of what they carry, but at least around here the stuff they carry is typically nicer, stores are cleaner, and the people shopping there are MUCH cleaner (I have no idea why that is, there's a Walmart across the street from a Target near my work - Target is fine, Walmart is AWFUL in terms of who shops there).
Mkultra Aw thank you!! I know exactly what you mean about being lucky to still be living with him. I remember when I was first here I felt that way a lot too - for example Julie lived upstairs while her H lived downstairs. When my H left I kept thinking how much better that would be, at least they were in the same house. Blessing and a curse though, that's for sure. Sometimes physical presence with no emotion is worse.
I am/was SO much like you, my H was my "conduit" too - I hadn't heard it put that way but that's it exactly. The waking up can be scary but exhilerating, too.
I hope you get the nerve up to join us in Sonoma, it's going to be really fun!!! There are good restaurants and live music in Sonoma, too...
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Oh my gosh.. I am so proud I'm almost in tears.. I so want to share this with H but I know better, so I'm gonna jump up and down and be excited here, ok??
I DID IT!!!! I fixed the toilet!! I'm not talking just a lever or anything - I'm talking completely replacing the entire "guts" of the toilet inside the tank (up to and including the gaskets and bolts between the tank and bowl, which means I had to disassemble/reassemble the toilet). WOO HOO!! I now have all new parts that don't leak, and an extra quiet "fill assembly." It used to be you could hear that toilet filling from the family room and half the time it kept filling until you wiggled the lever. Not anymore!
Don't laugh at me too much... I realize that for many this is probably a no-brainer DIY job... but I am so freaking excited.
Got a few other "normally H does this" tasks done today, too.
Recapping.. this week I: - Got and learned to use a power drill - Hung blinds - Hung a shade - Replaced cabinet knobs (this I've done before - but not with power tools!) - Installed furniture "sliders" on the legs of my sofa/bed. It has to come away from the wall to turn it into a bed and I knew it would be a struggle so I tried this idea - they work great, it slides super easy! - Had a complete plumbing inspection done - Had the sink and shower fixed - Installed a shower curtain rod - Completely repaired / updated the toilet. Including dealing with a water shutoff valve that doesn't shut off 100% (which I didn't know til I did this project). - Replaced the filter for the fridge water/ice maker - more difficult than it sounds. I messed up the filter install at first, which caused the door water not to shut off when you let go of the "switch." Eek!! Not only did I get that fixed, I dealt with the mini-flood in the kitchen all on my own.
Yes, that would be TWO "plumbing" type projects in a day - both of which had the potential to get REALLY bad in a hurry - but I took care of both. YAY!!!
As usual I bit off more than I could chew. Thought the toilet job would be an hour, it was more like 3.5. I didn't get any painting done. But that's ok - I'm learning to be patient with myself, this is a LOT of new stuff I'm tackling here.
Have dinner and some rental movies with my friend tonight, and a baby shower tomorrow. I'll try to get the painting done after the shower, hopefully. Now that the bed and bedding are in there I am rethinking the color again. I really wanted green and the sky blue that it turned into on the wall doesn't look very good with everything else. I'm going to try several coats on my "test wall" and see if it helps. The existing color is basically an off white, but I wonder if it's got enough color in it that it's making the green paint look funny. If not... back to the paint store with one of my pillows and I'll ask them to color match it. I figure that can't backfire on me!
Hope everyone's doing well.
And oh yeah.. did I mention.. I DID IT!!!!!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
nikki, you are AWESOME!!!! and a true inspiration. I've done a few things here and there, but I'll admit, put off too much and hired out too much. I think you have me almost convinced to get the nerve to get new curtains for the living room...and I think I'm going to hang them myself!
that is wonderful...you did it! yay you!!!!!!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
you are so cute! I've fixed a toilet that wouldn't flush, but never REDID the whole thing! major props to you for sure!
hey, and why not tell H? I mean you guys are still friends right? I think he'd get a kick out of seeing you so excited about fixing the toilet. now, if your thinking he'll be trying to ask questions why and you want to avoid a talk about what your doing, then, okay, I gotcha. Otherwise, if it were me, I'd tell him.
You've definitely had a change compared to last time you went thru this. I had always felt so aweful about the second bomb, because I just knew he was going to come back and he did. But obviously you know why it didn't work, because you really weren't mentally where you needed to be. You are definitely learning a lot! I know I did too. I still got some learning to go though, I think your pretty far ahead of me right now!
too bad you couldn't have a camera in the room!!!!
Can't wait to see the pictures!
On the paint, do you still have that yellow paint? you could try mixing the two and it should give you a greener color. I know I tried 2 or 3 different paints and I hated them all, and had to make my own. My H thought mine was so much better than the others.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Men?! We don't need no stinkin' men (said with a half laugh, hald snear)!
I used the power drill once since the sep--hung a hook in my bedroom into the stud. Last weekend, had to mow/mulch the leaves on our 1 acre--and the tractor had a flat and was low oil. FIL had to show me some things, but I got the compressor out and filled the tire, checked the oil and added what was needed (after calling the dealer to make sure I had the right weight). Tomorrow is a thorough cleaning and organizing top to bottom with me and the kids, then some fun stuff. Rollerblading in the park, maybe. There is an iceskating rink that I am thinking about for Monday (we are due rain), or the mall--Santa came this weekend.
I love MY house. I can take care of my house. I don't have to get anything cleared before I do something in my house. Its all good....
Keep going--and get some in-progress pics, just as a pick-me-up down the road.
Somehow I knew you'd all get how exciting toilet repair was.. . Funny actually, my friend who cooked me dinner tonight's a VERY independent lady, has been on her own off and on most of her adult life and really prides herself on taking care of things herself. Even SHE was impressed and wants me to come help her tackle her leaky toilet soon (and hers looks 10x easier than mine because it's a lot newer - in comparison I now see WHY mine was such a pain).
Had SUCH a great time w/her! We've hung out a lot but I've never been to her house before so this was definitely a step up in terms of closeness. Dinner was SOOO good!! She made French onion soup, Steak au Poivre, and some kind of really fancy potato dish... yummm. We talked a lot, watched a couple movies, played with her dog.. it was just a lot of fun. Need to figure out a way to reciprocate, for sure. I feel weird inviting people over right now since I don't often know if/when H will be home, nevermind how he may be acting that night.. may just need to get over it and invite some friends over anyway, though.
I have no idea how H reacted to the bed thing, he was asleep when I got home. I do know he got take out from one of "our" restaurants and drank a ton of beer... based on what's sitting on top of the trash (no I didn't dig THROUGH the trash, just noticed it). Not tryin' to over-analyze anything but I have to wonder if maybe the "single" life after class on a Saturday night isn't all he hoped it'd be? I am fairly sure he expected me to be home eagerly waiting for him - instead he got home to me gone, no dinner, no indication where I went, and a new sofa and bathroom set in the spare room.
Morgan Thank you!! Nothin' wrong AT ALL with hiring things out, I say. Long's you get it done yourself (whether that's YOU, hiring out, finding a friend.. just NOT your H)... I think that's what counts. Go for the curtains!! I bet it'll be easier than you think, and you'll be that much prouder knowing you put them up yourself.
ST haha thanks! It was pretty neat to do all that, I must admit. I may tell H.. I dunno. I'm not necessarily against telling him but as you said, was trying to avoid the big "why" conversation at the moment. When toilets become R talk I guess you know it's bad eh? But yeah, in the right context it might work. I could totally share it as an excited friend thing. He was really impressed when he figured out that I had done the blinds myself (although he never outright asked if I did, just halfway noticed them, then realized that they somehow got installed.. I think he's wondering if I have some mystery person coming over doing stuff while he's gone or something).
You know, funny you say that about the second bomb, assuming you mean the "S bomb." I did too... I KNEW he'd be back, and I think that's why the growth didn't happen. Now I could easily have been wrong and been forced into the growth... but really down deep I never thought he'd stay gone. Ahead of you?? Nah I don't think that, at all.. but thanks for the compliment on the growth, I really do feel it.
Hmm that's an idea on the paint. I do still have the yellow.. and you make a good point about the color I might come up with. I'll try a few more coats of the (supposed) green to make sure it's not just an issue with the prior paint, but if that doesn't fix it I'll try mixing them. Nothing to lose, at this point!
I saw a really neat sandstone texture paint last time I was at the store.. had some very pretty kind of muted, spa-like colors and the texture would fit really well with the room, but of course the "base" is way more expensive, so I dunno. I'll see how the painting attempt turns out tomorrow and go from there.
Donna haha thank you for the giggle!! WOW an acre of leaves??? That's a lot!! I'm impressed with you doing so much yourself, good job!
Hmmm sounds like a lot of nice options for tomorrow. Have fun with whatever you choose!! I can't believe Santa's already visiting.
I'm glad you love and can take care of your house, that's wonderful! I can do maybe 80% around here.. but eventually would just run dry money and physically wise, if I had to do it myself. Sad, but in a way it's a good realization to come to, also.
I'll try to post pics tonight if I can get the PC to cooperate - it's being funny right now. Great idea to keep them as a pick me up.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
just my O
meaning, your doing awesome. 